Candids from a Jesus Follower/Wife/Mom/Pastor/Attorney

Button's Piano Flub

2012-01-21T14:42:00.001-05:00

We were at Niki's parents' house one weekend. Button and Siah decided to put on a concert for Niki's Dad's birthday. Siah played the guitar, and Button played "O Come All Ye Faithful" on the piano. During the song, she got a note wrong and said, "Oops! That was a sour note. Come back next Fall!" She had us in stitches!!!

Insights on Church from Pastor Ben Eige

2012-01-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

I think what we're seeing is a backlash of sorts to the attractional model of church in the last 20-30 years. Our style of church has become an entertainment model of sorts, not to be crass, and not fellowship and discipleship/training based. Just as TV shows run their course, people weary of them and they're canceled, because the audience is wanting more and they walk away. Now, in Western culture at least, self created content is supreme with the rise of YouTube, etc. People want to be involved in the process and not mere spectators.

Its not enough to just be entertained. There is a huge community of fan-based content creation. Fans of Star Wars don't just want to watch Star Wars, they want to make their own Star Wars movies. It isn't enough to just play Angry Birds, people create they're own "levels" on their dining room tables out of blocks and stuffed green pigs! Folks desire to be involved in the process and not mere spectators.

But isn't this the model Jesus gave us? "Go" was his great commission. Jesus' call is an intentional and specific directive that His disciples and followers be involved in the process! Let's make churches a place of fellowship and discipleship so that Christians have a foundation in truth to then "Go." To be involved in the process, to be content-creators of new and innovative ways to advance the kingdom.

Our role as pastors is not to satisfy, entertain and placate but to provide a place to cultivate dynamic relationships amongst Christians, for that place where "iron sharpens iron," and to teach and train Christians to go into a pluralistic culture and contextualize the gospel as Paul did at Mars Hill for the Athenians. In that, I believe, those Christians questioning "church" and their place in it will sense a renewed meaning and purpose to gathering with other believers as a springboard to missional action in their neighborhoods and communities.

A tough reality for us pastors is there is still a latent desire among many to be entertained only and not involved, and they will clamor for that. We will have to walk through this transition with the fresh work the Holy Spirit is breathing as a goal to work towards and be wary of the voices calling for the status quo.

Jezebel and Church Planters

2012-01-19T20:18:00.000-05:00

Recently I had the privilege of talking with a church planting pastor who was facing some overwhelming challenges. It didn't take long to see that they were facing the spirit of Jezebel -- seems common with church plant efforts. We went through a terribly grueling, protracted period of fighting this spirit. I shared with the other pastor some of the lessons we learned and keys to defeating the spirit of Jezebel, like praying and fasting. Here's a recent email exchange with a status update from them:

On Tue, Jan 17, 2012, Church Planter wrote:

Hi Kelly,

I wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk with me a couple of weeks ago. As you were speaking, I felt refreshed in my soul. Your words were exactly what I needed to hear. I shared what you said to my husband and he was equally blessed. In fact, we purchased Dr. Cho's book and we have been taking his testimonies of faith to heart!

We have been praying and fasting. As I prayed against the spirit of Jezebel, I also was lead to pray against the spirit of death. I have felt more confident and more energized to lead in the past couple of weeks. A few nights ago I was "smothered" again by an oppressive spirit, but quickly prayed in the Spirit and felt released. It is uncanny how much we have felt the oppression and evil around us. Our core team has as well. We have asked them to begin praying in the Spirit as much as possible.

We have been reading about Elijah as well. I believe we have a choice to make early on in this church plant – either to press in and let God have full control and embrace the battle knowing God's yoke is easy and His burden light or keep things comfortable. Thank you for pointing out the reality of what we are facing as church planters. I have been praying for you and Niki as well. God bless you and your family. God bless you for pouring yourselves out for His glory.

And my response:

Hi!

It's so good to hear from you! I was thinking of calling you to check in -- I'm so glad to hear things are going well. Yes, you are so right about the strong temptation towards just being comfortable -- in Revelation 2 the church was guilty of tolerating the spirit of Jezebel. They chose to just be comfortable rather than fight it/her. I'm also reminded of the verse in Revelation that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. I suspect Cho's testimonies are giving you little victories day by day!

Please keep me posted! I'm thinking about and praying for you!

Kelly

Thought Provoking Questions on Church

2012-01-17T17:45:00.002-05:00

Niki sent this email to our church leadership team to generate discussion on re-thinking (and possibly restructuring church). What are your thoughts, blog readers?

Please ponder and reflect on these questions. I'd like us to dialogue on them over email, face-to-face, etc. I'll have more of these questions for us, as we move ahead in what God has for us. But I believe finding the answers we're seeking about what it means to be an incarnational church in this generation begins with asking the right questions. So, let's start with these and see where it takes us (make sure to hit "reply all") . . .

Hey guys:

I don't know if you'd heard but Oprah has a new show, the tag line for which says something like "your world is her stage." So interesting that she seems to recognize that the model for her old show, where people came to her, was not sustainable much longer. The new model of the future is to go to her audience. No more bringing the world to her show. She is now bringing her show to the world.

It think that is a picture of where we need to head-- bringing the Church to the world instead of trying to find ways to bring the world to the Church. Jesus didn't tell his disciples to wait for the world to come to the temple in Jerusalem, He told them He was sending them out to the world.

Query: How do we bring the Church to our generation such that the Church is seen to exist in the world, not in a building? Also, how do we get to a place where the phrase "go to church" is not only theologically nonsensical but also no longer reflects reality?

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2012-01-14T14:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Button persuaded me to throw her a half birthday party. Since her birthday is in the summer, it's hard to get kids to come to a party. So we do something fun in the winter as an excuse to celebrate and have friends over.

After much pleading, I gave in and invited a couple of her friends over for the afternoon. Friends, playing, a movie and ice cream sundaes--pretty great un-birthday party, right? Not according to Button.

"Mama, we have to have decorations." I wasn't buying it. "No, Mama, really. The twisty paper up in the sky."

So I got out crepe paper, hung two streamers from the breakfast table lamp over to the window. It looked nice, especially for an un-birthday party.

"Um, Mama, it's not enough. There's only two of them. It's not even. We need two more. One that goes there, over to the pantry door. And another one that goes just so, up high over to the arch way."

I rolled my eyes. She is so particular. And her little perfectionist socializing personality was in high gear!

"Mama, I noticed that when I asked you to make two more streamers you went like this (she imitates me rolling my eyes). Was I pushing you?"

"A little, Button, but it's ok. I know you're excited about this."

So I hung the two streamers.

"Um, Mama? You see this one? Can you make it short please? It's hanging longer than the other ones and it looks like the ugly duckling. And, while you're fixing it, can you move it more that way so it matches the other ones?"

When did I get conscripted into Her Majesty's service?

I just laughed, and changed them. She's too cute.

She straightened up the house. "Oh, I did a great job. This whole party was my idea. And I made the house look amazing! My friends are going to love it!!"

And then after I set the princess tablecloth and plates, she exclaimed, "Now THIS is what I was talking about. A party that is all about ME! Me, me, me, me, me!"

Too funny. How we went from an afternoon play date to a full blown party. Over NOTHING. Oh, but I love creating a culture of joy in our home.

Questions about My Experiences Volunteering

2012-01-13T19:34:00.000-05:00

An eighth grader interviewed me about my volunteer service. Right now, all my serving of others is tied to my call as a pastor, so I answered the questions from that perspective:

1.Why did you choose to volunteer?

To do for others what has been done for me.

2.What kind of things do you do to volunteer?

Heal people. Set the lonely in families. Restore people who are broken (broken marriages, broken hearts, addictions, crises, etc.). Encourage, strengthen, comfort, give hope.

3.What is your most memorable volunteer experience?

Oh, there are so many. Like the time I prayed for a woman who was diagnosed with an inoperable cancerous brain tumor. But when she went in to her next doctor's appointment, the tumor had imploded and consumed itself! The doctors had never seen anything like it; she was completely healed! Or the woman who had a baby even though her family was vey poor, and her husband was very rough towards her. I talked with her many times, helped her with food and baby products, and showed her a lot of love. Well, one day she told me her husband wanted to talk to me. I was scared--I didn't know if he was going to yell at me, or maybe even hurt me! But instead, he thanked me and started crying: "nobody has ever been this kind to us or shown us love like this before."

4.How does your service help support your community?

Making a difference in the life of just one makes a difference in the life of us all.

5.Do you have any advice for 8th graders to find a place to serve?

What needs do you see around you? Who do you know that needs help? What breaks your heart? (The abandonment of an orphan? The hunger of a homeless person? The woman who has been abused by the person she most trusted?) Start right where you are.

For example, when I was your age, I was heartbroken about the poverty of some elementary school kids who attended the school across the street from me. I was volunteering in the school, helping out in the classrooms. At Easter, I asked the school if they could give me the names and addresses of kids whose families didn't have enough money for the Easter bunny to come. They did, and I solicited donations, bought them presents, showed up Easter morning, and hid eggs, chocolates and presents outside. The best part was hiding around the corner and seeing the kids' faces when they came outside!

6.what do you enjoy the most about volunteering?

Seeing people's lives changed. Seeing them happier, stronger, healthier, better.

7.What is your least favorite thing about volunteering?

A lot of times it doesn't seem like I'm making any difference. It takes time, and a lot of behind the scenes work, to love and serve people. I think it always makes a difference, but oftentimes I don't see it. And that can be discouraging.

My Wife Will Do It

2011-12-14T19:01:00.000-05:00

Siah informed me that he did not plan to get married or have babies because he didn't want to have to change any poopy diapers!

"That's okay, Siah, you don't have to get married or have kids if you don't want to."

Then he gets a glint in his eye and says, "I know! I'll have my WIFE change all he poopy diapers!"

Oh no he didn't! I started tickling him and grilling him all at the same time.

"What?! Your WIFE?! Who changed your poopy diapers?"

Between his laughter he said, "You!"

"And who else?!"

Again, laughing, "Daddy!"

"That's right. And who changes Joseph's poopy diapers?!"

"You!!"

"And what about daddy?! Doesn't daddy change Joseph's poopy diapers?!"

The laughter was building at this point, so Siah was nearly squealing when he responded, "NO! NOT REALLY!!"

Oh, what kids observe. I realized he won the argument...

Encouraging Our Kids' Academic Growth

2011-12-12T15:00:00.001-05:00

We want to encourage our kids' further academic development at home, not just leave it to the school to educate them. Previously we have worked through math (addition, subtraction, multiplication), English, and Spanish flashcards. To incentivize them, I would establish a goal of a certain amount of cards they had to get right the first time, and if they did, then they earned a certain treat, like a piece of candy, dessert, or option to watch t.v. (which we only allow on weekends).

Now that the kids have mostly outgrown the flashcards, I wanted to start introducing more of the elements of a classical school curriculum. (Inner thought: how do you do that when you're not able to homeschool and they're attending a public school?!)

So I told them and their teachers that when they had library at school, they needed to check out at least one non-fiction book. Then I told the kids that they were required to read the non-fiction book, and they had the option of doing a book report on it for either two dollars or for ice cream from Cold Stone.

It's amazing how much they've grown with just a little incentive. They are identifying and understanding facts; writing paragraphs detailing who, what, when, where, why, and how; developing connections between what they're reading and their life experience; and drawing pictures to illustrate aspects of their stories. Button has already read books on Virginia, Pennsylvania, and the Statue of Liberty. Siah has started on the planets--a book on Jupiter and then one on Saturn. It's fun to watch them get excited about what they're learning!

Gifted or Not Gifted

2011-12-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

Button tested for the gifted program last week. I've been waiting for this moment for 4 years. Even doing what I could at home to anticipate the kind of questions on the test so we could prepare her as much as possible. If she is deemed "gifted," she has access to far greater teachers and curriculum from third grade forward. And if not, then she risks becoming a casualty of No Child Left Behind--where the whole class slows down to the lowest performing student rather than moving at the pace best suited for her.

So she took the test. I was careful to not put any pressure on her, but also to make clear that she needed to perform her best on these tests because she has a tendency to rush through things that she doesn't consider important. "Do your best, Button. Go slowly, take your time, and try your best. It doesn't matter if you get some wrong. All that matters is if you tried your hardest."

Oh, but on the inside I wanted her to ace it, no matter what!! It felt like so much was on the line...and she had no clue.

I was sharing some of my inner angst with Niki. What if she doesn't make it into the gifted program?!

"Her giftedness doesn't depend on this test. She is gifted no matter what this test says."

That's a good point. We know her strengths and weaknesses better than any test. We know that she hasn't been challenged in school since Kindergarten. Once we got past "color in the lines" and "take your time," the curriculum hasn't pushed her. When she was out of school for a week and a half, she was able to make up all the homework from the time she missed in two hours one evening at home.

That got me and Niki reminiscing on our respective gifted program experiences. I qualified but opted out; Niki came just short of qualifying. Neither of us were "gifted" students, but we worked hard, did our best, and had the opportunity to attend some of the best universities in the U.S. And we turned out okay. : D

A test can assess only a limited amount. A gifted program can only offer so much. The real indicia of giftedness comes with application and best effort. The real program for gifted students is being challenged by their parents at home--learning, thinking, applying doesn't end in the classroom. It simply begins there.

Jan and Heather's Wedding

2011-12-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

Jan and Heather's wedding was the first wedding we got to officiate. They asked us to co-officiate, so we had the joint privilege and honor of uniting them as man and wife.

This was a particularly special event for us. First of all, both Jan and Heather hold a very special place in our hearts. Heather joined our church when it was an early church plant. She’d had many experiences with other Christians who had betrayed, rejected, or mistreated her, so when we met her, she had a hard time trusting people. We shared our lives with her, and we trusted her with things that made us vulnerable. And she soon came to trust us and others. She became a faithful and powerful leader in our church family, as well as a licensed pastor!

Heather brought Jan to church and he was so funny, bright, and charming. We really enjoyed him, and we were ecstatic when he chose to put his faith in Jesus Christ. One of the highlights of our ministry was baptizing him into the family.

We love them both, and they are so dear to us. So it was a real honor to be asked to officiate their wedding.

But the other amazing, rewarding part of officiating their wedding was seeing all the relationships they had with people from our church community. Once Heather came to trust others, she became a community generator--she created safe relationships for others who came to trust her deeply.

So as I look around the room, I don't just sees Jan and Heather. I see the faces of many people we love deeply who have been part of our church over the past 5 years. And they've traveled a great distance to celebrate with this beautiful, generous, thoughtful couple.

And I remember their stories. The first time they visited our church. The awkward small groups we once had before they knew each other well. How much they have grown in love and faith. The obstacles they've overcome. The victories we have shared. And the strength of their friendships, independent of us.

It was like beholding precious gems of God, a satchel of treasure for us to enjoy. Just realizing in that moment that He had given us the gift of knowing all these people, loving them, watching them grow, seeing them become family to each other. And knowing that this is one of the good things He had planned for us and for them from before time.

The gift of each other. The gift of memories. The gift of wedding celebrations and the beginning of forever covenants. Even more reasons why getting to do ministry is so fantastic!

It's Hard Being King

2011-12-06T19:48:00.002-05:00

Josiah (completely out of the blue): Daddy, if I'm a King, why aren't I honored like a king? Why don't I have a king's throne? Why don't I have a king's bed? [He was referring here to the fact that he's named after King Josiah which, apparently, makes him a king as well.]

Niki: Josiah, what makes you a King is what's in your heart. You have the heart of a King, Siah -- you're loving, kind, brave, compassionate, honest, and you have a lot of integrity. So, wherever you sit, THAT is the King's throne. And wherever you sleep, THAT is the King's bed. Does that make sense?

Josiah: No, Daddy! Because I'm still not honored like a King. I still have to listen to you and Mommy. I still have to do home work, and I still have to do the book reports you and Mommy make me do.

Niki: Josiah, I'm the Chief King. That's why you have to listen to me. And you have to do your homework and book reports because part of being a good King is gaining knowledge so you can lead wisely and well.

Josiah [with big crocodile tears]: But I'm the Chief King too, Daddy!

At which point, Niki just gave up . . . ;)

Community and Christmas

2011-12-01T20:12:00.000-05:00

There is no community without Christmas. The Gospel story is that God created us to be one with Him and one with each other (community). But that oneness was destroyed with sin. Through Jesus, that oneness is restored again. Oneness created, oneness destroyed, oneness restored through Christ.

Without that baby born in the manger, there is no way for us to live in true community. Thinking of others as better than ourselves. Loving others when it hurts. Giving radically. Choosing to serve rather than take the preferred position lounging at the table. That's what Christmas is about.

It's about a majestic, powerful God choosing to humble Himself and be born helpless among animal dung and then humbling Himself further to die on a cross for something He never did for the sole purpose of being able to live in community with us forever. That's the Christmas story.

And when we see His example, we're challenged and exhorted to do the same. Community isn't a feel-good expression of commonality. It's contending for unity at a personal cost -- the ultimate cost, in Jesus' case.
Fundamentally, the Christmas story is all about community (See John 17).

Thanksgiving Memories as Written by Micki

2011-11-30T21:55:00.002-05:00

An email I received from my mom (Granma Micki) over Thanksgiving while she and my dad (Papa) were watching the kids so we could go to a wedding in India:

We had a wonderful day today.

Starting with last night, we watched the finals of Dancing With The Stars and got lots of energy exhumed. Cutie Pie (J) is a natural at dancing. Perhaps we will work on coordination a little more with Button (D) & SweetPea (S). There were great squeals of delight when J.R. won – our American hero.

Thanksgiving was a GREAT day! Starting with the walking of the dogs of course – the kids really love this. After breakfast, we cleaned our rooms and D also cleaned their bathroom without even being asked to do so. “Mommy doesn’t like messes” I’d say and D quipped immediately afterward “Neither does her mommy!” Then we read our new books and completed our book reports. S read me his new book on Uranus and he LOVES learning about the solar system and space. There was a huge improvement from his first draft and his completed report. I’ve kept both for you to see. D read the entire book Diary of a Whimpy Kid and her book report is on the Bernstein Bears. She did the entire report almost perfectly the first draft. I’m impressed.

During the writings, J took the biggest dump I’ve ever seen for a kid his age! And in the pot of course! He is consistently going #1 in the pot and so far has only had one #2 in his diapers. He objects strongly to taking his pants down, but once he’s on the pot, he’s totally fine. #1 comes very quickly, but has to think about #2 a little longer. Then he doesn’t like putting his pants back on again, (I don’t understand this) but with the celebration of his accomplishments, he’s more distracted with that. He has done #1 in his diapers still, but mostly just when he’s sleeping. He’s coming along great for only a few days of trying. [SEE BELOW]

Then it was back to cleaning and D swept all the leaves off the back deck, while S read Uranus to me again. I wanted to make sure he understood what he was reading.

While J napped, D&S watched Tom Sawyer with popcorn and candy teeth as rewards for all their hard work. After Tom Sawyer, we had a fabulous Thanksgiving feast – and everybody got to choose what they wanted to eat – at the Country Buffet down the street. It was packed!

When we got home, we walked the dogs and then took them on the back deck to play. That was enormous fun for all, so much so that Rollfie was trying to hide after awhile….and eagerly went back to his cage.

And that was when it happened….

Seriously???

I have never in my life seen a mess that BIG.

It was the blowout of all blowouts!

D& S ran into the house to tell me about it. Papa confirmed it when I reached the back door. J just cried L.

We went to the changing table where I viewed the damages. Unable to breathe, I just picked J up by one arm and one leg and carried him into the tub. No longer crying – apparently this was fun time now, we showered him down and then played while soaking. OMGoodness…in his hair and every orifice, all over his back and down his legs…clothes saturated…hopefully we won’t have a repeat performance of that!

Seriously????

Then we went downstairs and watched some KC and LJ videos. The kids were bored to tears at first, but then they watched the Sunshine Generation performances, Easter egg hunting at 7 and you in a play when you were 3ish – I don’t even remember it-where, etc??? You never told them you wore glasses, so they heard the KC and the star story.

By then it was time for bed, and the kids expressed how much they missed you. D and I are bonding over the misery. Changing the subject helped them cope and all is well on the homefront.

We do ALL miss you bunches, though.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Thanksgiving Season

2011-11-29T22:27:00.000-05:00

Rejoice in the Lord always! Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Phil. 4:4,6

For years of mornings, I have woken up anxious about what needs to be done that day, what to accomplish, what to do. Most my thought-life centers around toiling, planning, executing, doing. When I encounter interruptions and messes, I try to blow through them quickly so I can get back to the liturgy of do, do, do. Disgruntle the chores, verbally acknowledge the kids without really listening to them, truncate bedtime stories because of the stress. That's how I've been spending my life, but it's not how I want to live.

As if I can control outcomes by worrying about them? Or earn God's (or others') love by performing? Or be more accepted if I get more done?

God is showing me how to live differently. He is inviting me to rejoice (delight! enjoy!) Him more by turning worries into prayer. Because, in the words of author Ann Voskamp, "worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is." Converting my worries into prayer has been transforming my anxiety into joy.

God also is opening my eyes to the gift of giving thanks for the simple things, for the messes, for the hard things. For example, this year I endured many months of severe persecution and false accusations in my workplace, inflicted or perpetuated by once-thought friends. It was easy for me to see the enemy in it all. But it was a lot harder to see God in it all. And even harder to see it as God's grace--God's gift--to me. Yet, God's grace doesn't just extend to the good circumstances--His grace extends to the bad times, too. So, my giving of thanks cannot be based on my circumstances. Instead, I am to give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess. 5:18)

In this season, I am experiencing how giving thanks unpacks the gifts of God, reveals the presence of God, and releases the joy of God--especially in the bad times.

Prayers for Us
--thanks for vindication, deliverance, provision
--wisdom from above, rest, joy
--grace for our marriage, children, health, finances, ministry, work of our hands

Prayers for MVFF
--The Lord would send more laborers into the harvest
--Fresh vision and abundant resources for building the Kingdom
--reach more people

Every Breath is a Battle: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

Afterword

Every breath's a battle between grudgery and gratitude. Holy One of blessing, Your presence fills the Universe. Your presence fills me. The greatest of poems is an inventory. --Chesterton

I continue to make my list. Some days are a lot harder than others. So true that some days--some moments-- it's an absolute battle to be filled with gratitude. Truth be told, the path of stress, fear, anxiety, and complaining is so well traveled in my soul that establishing a new path of gratitude is going to take an awfully sharp machete...

Enjoying God: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-27T22:23:00.000-05:00

Ch. 11: The Joy of Intimacy

Excerpts: It's impossible to give thanks and simultaneously feel fear. This is the anti-anxiety medicine I try to lay in my wide open palm every day. With every grace He sings, "You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you." (Isa. 43:4) "For you are a chosen people...God's very own possession." (1 Pet. 2:9) As CS Lewis argued, the most fundamental thing is not how we think of God but rather what God thinks of us. "Gratitude is the most fruitful way of deepening your consciousness that you are...a divine choice"--Henri Nouwen. God's heart: I choose you, live! With each gift I had accepted and given thanks for, I let go of my own will and accepted His. Teresa of Avila: "Just these words He spoke changed my life, 'Enjoy Me.' What a burden I thought I was to carry--a crucifix, as did He. Love once said to me, 'I know a song, would you like to hear it?' And laughter came from every brick in the street and every pore in the sky, after a night of prayer He changed my life when He sang, 'Enjoy Me.'" Counting His graces makes all moments into one holy kiss of communion and communion comes in the common.

Reflections:
Enjoy God. Enjoy that He delights in you. Reflect more on what He thinks of you than what you can do for Him. Thanks makes fear flee. The key to managing my stress, my fear, is to give thanks for His gifts, for His way, to let go of what I wanted and accept what He gave.

And isn't it interesting how the saints seem to have a common understanding of God's uncontainable joy--laughter, mirth, contagious joy. From Chesterton to Teresa of Avila, they describe Him this way. I want to know Him this way, too. The other day Te leave falling in the forest caught my eye, and I thought I sensed Him whisper to my heart, "Come play with Me!"

The Daily Mess: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-26T22:21:00.000-05:00

Ch. 10: Empty to Fill

Excerpts: Eucharisteo is also giving grace away. Without the washing of feet, eucharisteo isn't complete. Communion is only complete in service. Communion always leads us into community. God calls me to do thanks. To give the thanks away. The moment you think other people owe you something for your pains of serving them, you will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause. But when Christ is at the center, when dishes, laundry, work is my song of thanks to Him, joy rains. Passionately serving Christ alone makes us the loving servant to all. Our happiness comes not in the having, but in the handing over. We are called to complete the communion service in service. I'm the one who needs to ask if I've been a blessing. God answers our pleas for a fulfilling life with His promise: "I will bless you...and you will be a blessing." (Gen. 12:2) The way through the pain is to reach out to others in theirs. The daily mess--again my chance to wholeheartedly serve God. The daily liturgy of thanks.

Reflections:
I serve, but it usually isn't a song of thanks. Even when I'm happy doing it, that happiness usually isn't flowing from an overwhelming gratitude. It's more just that I'm happy--or not tressed out--in that moment. I suspect this aspect of eucharisteo will take me a little longer to implement than the others. I have found it easier to identify things for which to be thankful than to have that thanksgiving motivate my acts of service.

But I love the idea of seeing the daily mess as an opportunity to once again serve God with all my heart. And to be thankful for it, in it, and after it.

And I was really struck by the truth that the way through pain is to reach out to others in theirs. In my trial, I have found a lot of healing, perspective, and reward in being able to help, comfort, or show compassion to others going through their own suffering.

How Low Can You Go?: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-25T22:19:00.000-05:00

Ch. 9: Go Lower
Excerpts: God created the world out of nothing, and as long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us. --Martin Luther Value the perspective of small. The secret to a child's language of laughter, their domain of delight, is perspective. Don't I often desperately want to wriggle free of the confines of a small life? Yet when I stand before immensity that heightens my smallness--I have never felt sadness. Only burgeoning wonder. We are in the deepest happiness in the posture of grateful worship. How to live in a state of awe when life is mundane and ordinary? Stop. God needs knees more than hands. Expectations kill relationships--especially with God. And that's what a child doesn't have--this whole edifice of expectation. Without expectations, what can topple the surprising wonder of the moment? Instead of expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing, and are filled. We must flow like water...always seeking he lowest places--I must go lower. Whenever I am parched and dry, I must go lower, kneel low in thanks. God holds us in the untamed moments too. Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. In contrast, complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. Didn't God's heart often break? He grieved and raged and felt rejection. I won't pretend I don't feel any pain.

It's the numbness that kills you. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Love enough to feel and cry authentic. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins with the action of thanksgiving.

True saints know that the place where all joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings; joy comes from the place of the very presence of God. Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions--joy transcends all other emotions. Though my marriage tree may not bud and thought my crop of children may fail and my work produce little yield, though there is no money in the bank and no dream left in the heart, I will fight to the death for this: "I will take joy." (Hab. 3:18) "When troubles come your way, consider it great joy." (James 1:2) I will wrestle to put skin on it: "Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4) "No man can live without joy" (Thomas Aquinas); I have known many dead wanting to die. Only self can kill joy. I'm the one doing this to me. Responsibilities--response-abilities--invite us to respond to His love-gifts.

Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control...let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper surprised thanks. Joy means dying. Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life. This is how you say thank you: Thy will be done.

Reflections:
Value small. Delight in small. Pursue small. If I'm too small to help myself, then there's a lot of room for Him to help me. If I'm too small for anyone to notice, then there's a lot He can do through me. If I decrease, He will increase. The more I decrease, then, the more He increases.
Stop. Worship. It simultaneously reminds you how BIG He is and how small you are. I can see how the ordinary normalcy of life, the unexpected bumps that have the propensity to usher in disappointment, can be totally transformed with periodic worship breaks. I began this practice/discipline/delight sometime last year, but it got hijacked.
God needs knees more than hands. I took this as (yet another) encouragement to focus more on being with God (waiting, listening, thanking, interceding) than doing (serving, leading, executing). They aren't mutually exclusive. After all, we are to pray without ceasing. But I tend to think God needs--or values-- me more in getting things done than in praying.
Her distinction between lament and complain was really helpful to me--I have been convicted about complaining previously, and have worked to cease from complaining (I'm not there yet). But I haven't known what to do with the moments when I'm hurting, struggling, wrestling and I want to talk about it--with Him or with friends who give me godly counsel. Is it okay? Yes, what matters is the heart--in this suffering, does my heart rest in a good God who loves me and will transfigure this ugly into beauty? You can give thanks even in the circumstances that leave you crumpled on the floor in tears.
Numbness. I have felt that a lot since mid 2010. Oh, so true that it kills you. Like leprosy of the spirit. I'd rather feel the pain than feel nothing. It's a temporary relief but a significant symptom that things are NOT okay. Feelings follow actions. Feeling joy follows the act of giving thanks. That makes a lot of sense.
Oh, reading those scriptures about contending for joy simultaneously inspired and convicted me. Yes, I will contend for joy!! Yes, I can--I will--do this. Oh, but the profound truth that I am the one who has chosen, day-by-day, anxiety instead of joy. My stress, my discontent, my frustration, my sadness is not because of my circumstances, but because of me and my choices. So convicting and yet so liberating--I can make different choices! I choose joy!
Let go of trying to do; leave your hand open to God and be. Such few words; such enormous challenge.

Control, Prayer, and God's Goodness: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-24T21:58:00.000-05:00

Ch. 8: How Will He Not Also?

Excerpts: Control is pseudo power from the pit. Worry is the pretense that I'm the one who will determine the course of events as I stir and churn and ruminate. It's the facade of taking action when prayer really is. Belief--to put one's faith in, to trust--is a verb, something that you do. A true saving faith is a faith that gives thanks, a faith that sees God, a faith that deeply trusts. "This is the work that God asks of you: that you believe..." (John 6:29) This is the work of trusting love. If authentic, saving belief is the act of trusting, then to choose stress is an act of disbelief. Anything less than gratitude and trust is practical atheism. The Israelites kept recounting their past in order to trust God for their future. It is thanksgiving that shapes a theology of trust. Remembering with thanks is what causes us to trust--to really believe. What if remembering leaves third-degree burns? I see a world through His lens: "He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all--how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" (Rom. 8:32) It is safe to trust--all bridges ultimately hold, fastened by nails. Sometimes it takes the perspective of years to see the good of God in the scars of life. It is in the dark that God is passing by. God is in the tremors. Dark is the holiest ground. Then we look back and see His back. Just like Moses did.

Reflections:
Romans 8:32 is one of the core verses that got me through the darkest time of life. Believing this truth is hard work. That God gave His life for me and therefore will surely give me this thing that I am worried about. It's as hard work (if not more so) than what other religions require in terms of discipline, rituals, and sacrifice. Having faith in the goodness of God. That's hard.

These insights on control are eye opening for me, since control is one of my struggle areas. The antidote for control is prayer. Prayer is belief in action. Am I biting my lips or bending knees? Chewing my nails or folding my hands?

God is in the Faces

2011-11-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

Ch. 7: Seeing Through the Glass

Excerpts: What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift? Because you believe in the power of the pit. Contemplative simplicity isn't a matter of circumstances; it's a matter of focus. Just like Hagar whose eyes are opened in a moment of utter desperation to see a well that had been there the whole time, so to with us there is always a well--all is well. Giving thanks is the way into joy because thanksgiving is the way we enter into God. We practice the presence of God and stay present to His presence when we give thanks. We don't have to change what we see, only the way we see. To see all this material world as transparent glass to God. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose--which emotion do we want to feel? Jacob hadn't known who he was wrestling; it was the face of God over him that he was struggling against. God is behind the faces. Can you see? The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us. Beg to see the blessings, and all faces become the face of God. Those who limp know how to see.

Reflections:
I wept. God is behind the faces. All the faces of those who betrayed, deceived, slandered, and plotted against me flashed in my mind. It has been easy to see the enemy in it all, but I hadn't seen God. Yes, He is with me. Yes, He is for me. Yes, He works all things for good. But that is different than seeing that He (not just the enemy) is behind the faces.

He broke me down so He can further bless me. He made it hard so I would be transformed. Gold is purified in fire, diamonds are cut out of stone. The path to preciousness is hard.

How we see is determined by what we look through--as seen through the power of the pit: this is mess, bad, futile, taking from me something I should have; as seen through the power of the Gospel: this is grace, this is gift, this is good, and all is well. In this world, you will have suffering, but take heart! I have overcome the world.

Change the way you see. What once was filtered through the pit can now be filtered through His grace.

And the way I see is a choice--I have been practicing choosing my emotion. I have found, for example, that if I smile over nothing--just that I'm-so-happy-I'm-at-Disneyworld-I-don't-need-a-reason-to-smile smile--then I'm happier, the people around me are happier, and my days go better. (Hm, interesting) I've also noticed that some days are a lot harder to choose to be joyful, grateful--like days I don't feel well, days I'm hormonal, days I'm tired, and days I'm busy. Yes, fatigue and illness have a way of zapping all the gift-seeing right out of me. I find myself saying thanks for every bad thing that happened...as soon as I get up the next morning. It's a lot easier to see Jesus when I'm rested

Grace Thief No More: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

Ch. 6: What Do You Want? The Place of Seeing God

Excerpts: Every time you feel in God's creatures something pleasing and attractive, do not let your attention be arrested by them alone, but, passing them by, transfer your thought to God. --Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain Do I have eyes to see His face in all things? The cure against thanklessness's bite? The remedy is in the retina. Take the snake on the pole in the desert of Exodus--they will live if they simply look at it. Faith is in the gaze of a soul. The truly saved have eyes of faith and lips of thanks. Have the perseverance of Moses who "kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible." (Heb. 11:27) I have lived a grace thief who hasn't had time for the thanks. Raging at children for minor wrongdoings while I'm the one defiling the moment with sinful anger. "One thing I ask of the Lord that I would seek...to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord." (Ps. 27:4) Praying with eyes wide open is the only way to pray without ceasing.

Reflections:
I have found it's one thing to say thanks for all things; it's another to see Jesus in (or through) the things. "Thanks for red leaves" vs. "Thanks for red leaves because Lord You are wonderful in how you allow us to experience beauty in death by giving us leaves that turn scarlet red before they fall to the ground." Transferring my thanksgiving thoughts to God has been more challenging than simply being thankful. Thankful for what has proven to be easier for me than thankful to Who. And yet doing the work of seeing God in the things for which I am giving thanks is the whole point of eucharisteo.

Wow, when she wrote about living as a grace thief who defiles moments with sinful anger--I totally identified with that! How many moments I have defiled! Here I am grumpy at the circumstance, and yet it's me who is spoiling it!

Shortly after I read this, I was at a friend's house who was busily working to make us all spaghetti when her young son grabbed the box of noodles (trying to help) and dumped them all over the floor. I could feel her heart sink and her anger rise all in the flash of a second. I would have reacted the same way! But with my retina getting remedied, I saw something different--instead of a mess, I saw a moment; instead if a botched dinner, I saw a game. As the boy started to cringe back in shame for what he did, I swooped down and with a twinkle in my eye said, "Oh, what a great game you've made! Let's see if we can get them back in the box before I count to 30!" I started counting, we started furiously picking up dry noodles, and we got the box repacked in less than thirty seconds. Mess cleaned, laughs had, shame and anger avoided, memory made, and dinner went on without a hitch.

It was a great moment. And it was so bittersweet. How many of these same kind of opportunities for fun and games with my kids had I turned into memories of harsh tones, time outs, and disappointment?

Do I have eyes to see Him in spilled spaghetti? Blow out diapers? Missed appointments? Traffic jams and aggressive drivers? Critical women? Interrupted sleep?

Do I have eyes to see Him right here, right now?

I want to.

Giving Thanks Gives Perspective: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

Ch. 5: What in the World, in All this World, is Grace?

Excerpts: One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations. --Saint John of Avila Every moment is a message from The Word-God who can't stop writing His heart. Perspective--how we see. Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life? If we don't say goodbye here, when will we meet Him there? These are the lens words for a life: Precious in His eyes is the homecoming of the saints (Ps. 116:15) what if that which feels like trouble, gravel in the mouth, is only that--feeling? What if faith says all is...good? All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness. It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace. In the emptiness, we have the opportunity to turn to God, and there find all the fullness of joy. Darkness transfigures into light, bad transfigures into good, grief transfigures into grace, empty transfigures into full. Who knows when you might climb a mount of transfiguration? If you haven't lost Christ, child, nothing is ever lost. "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22) In sharing in Christ's sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, you come "to know Christ and the power of His resurrection." (Phil. 3:10) God "does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow" (Lam. 3:33), but labors to birth grief into greater grace. God is always good and I am always loved. Lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigured it into beauty.

Reflections:
This was one of the most powerful chapters for me to read. It met me right where I've been at this past year. The Lord gave me the Psalm 116 verse in the midst of my ordeal. But it wasn't until this chapter that I understood more of the fullness of what God was saying to me--my suffering was precious because He transfigured it to life. The ugly has been, and will be, transfigured into beauty.

Throughout this trial, the Lord kept telling me it was all about perspective--what I thought I saw was not what was. And here Voskamp brings up the same topic--perspective. It's all in how you see it. Do you dare to choose to see God in the depths of despair? In the worst of suffering? When everything else was jeopardized, I was more aware than ever that my relationship with Jesus was never jeopardized. In the darkest, hardest parts of life, Jesus is still there. When there is nothing else, there is still Jesus.

This past year, I got to climb a mount of transfiguration. And got to see grace delivered from the intense pain of grief and suffering. The pain, the betrayal, the suffering--all the gravel in the mouth--were only feeling. God is good. I am loved. And giving thanks gives me the perspective Jesus has.

The Presence of the Present: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-20T21:45:00.001-05:00

Ch. 4: A Sanctuary of Time

Excerpts: Wherever you are, be all there. This is where God is. In the present. I Am. It's not the gifts that fulfill, but the holiness of the space. The God in it. Thanks makes now a sanctuary. I will not desecrate this moment with ignorant hurry or sordid ingratitude. In between "a few loaves and fish" and "enough to feed a crowd," Jesus gave thanks. The crossing over that took the "not enough" and made it "enough." Gave thanks. Thanksgiving makes time. In Christ, urgent means slow. In Christ, the most urgent necessitates a slow and steady reverence.

Reflections:
When I think about Jesus--how He walked, how He talked, how He went about doing good--when I think about His pace, I don't imagine Him hurrying. His pace was more steady, consistent, unworried that He wouldn't "accomplish it all" before His death. He was thoughtful, deliberate, and regularly pushed back on his disciples to take more time (with the kids, with the ill, with the destitute) than to hustle along to the more important thing "requiring" His immediate attention.

In the person of Jesus, we see the great I Am incarnated. We see a man who lives each moment in the moment.

It strikes me that the more mature I become in my faith--the more I look like Jesus--the less stressed, urgent, busy I will be. "Only amateurs hurry." That thought has greatly affected me the last couple weeks, and I have noted the times I felt inclined to rush through, to desecrate the moment and lose sight of God in it. I've caught myself thinking that the moment I'm rushing through is a chore (not a gift) and the real gift lies in the moment after this. Or thinking that I have to rush or things won't go well (essentially trusting in my ability to control outcomes by living fast, rather than trusting God's ability to control outcomes because I am being present with Him in this moment).

As I have slowed down and refused to hurry or be hurried, I have experienced much greater peace. The people around me are more at peace, too (I suspect stress and anxiety are like communicable diseases). There's more calm in our home, more joy in my relationships, and I haven't actually lost or missed out on anything I would have had if I'd hurried.

Practicing the presence of the present has increased my delight in the Lord and made me more confident that by His grace, I won't miss out on anything He has for me. I see more, enjoy more, live more.

It's starting to work!

Starting My List: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

Ch. 3: First Flight

Excerpts: Listing the gifts as you encounter them is akin to receiving them. Starting a list seems trivial, especially compared to what Jesus gave thanks for. But the "full of grace vocabulary begins haltingly, simply, like a child, thankful for the childlike." You have to learn eucharisteo. Learn it to live fully. Learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty. If you want to change the world, pick up your pen. --Martin Luther. There are eyes in pencils and in pens. --John Piper. "I hold the pen. The cataracts clear." A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit. --Erasmus My pen is nothing less than the driving of nails. Nails driving out my habits of discontent and driving in my habit of eucharisteo. Naming a gift offers it recognition. Naming is Edenic. Biblically, to name a thing manifests the meaning and value God gave it. God is in the details; God is in the moment. But some days it's hard to coax thanks. It seems contrived. It's so frustratingly common--it's offensive. Driving nails into a life always is. Practice thanks; practice is the hardest part of learning. The first secret step into eucharisteo is gratitude for the seemingly insignificant. If I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. Daniel in the Bible prayed three times a day, giving thanks to God. Prayer first speaks thanks. The only way to be a woman of prayer is to be a woman of thanks. Life change comes when we receive life with thanks.

Reflections:
This makes sense--practice becomes habit. Drill becomes second nature. Anything that's truly going to change me, from the inside out, lasting change, is going to take some work. In practicing eucharisteo (thanksgiving), I will learn how to give thanks in all circumstances. I will become a person of joy and gratitude. I appreciated the analogy of giving thanks, particularly for the insignificant or when it feels contrived, as similar to driving in nails. It's hard work. And it can hurt. I also took to heart the exhortations to write--not just as it pertains to delineating gratitude, but also to my other ambitions to write things I believe God has put on my heart.

I have started my list of graces. I've already found 200!

A Discovered Secret: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-18T21:41:00.000-05:00

Ch. 2: A Word to Live and Die By

Excerpts: "For years of mornings, I have woken wanting to die. But this morning, I wake wildly eating to live. In my reality-dream, I gasp for more time. But I have to wonder: more time for what? More time for more what? With an expiration of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important? And He took bread, gave thanks, and broke it, and gave it to them. (Lk. 22:19) He gave thanks: eucharisteo. The root word of eucharisteo is charis, meaning "grace". He took the bread and knew it to be a gift and gave thanks. Eucharisteo also holds the derivative word for grace, chara, meaning "joy." More what? More holy joy. Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the eucharisteo. The height of my chara joy is dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks. [Throughout scripture we see that] eucharisteo always precedes the miracle. Jesus, on the night He was betrayed, at the dinner before He would die, receives what God offers as grace and He gives thanks. Facing the abandonment of God, Jesus offers thanksgiving for even that which will break Him and crush Him. In taking communion, I am celebrating greater gain through great loss. The Eucharist invites us to give thanks for dying. Ten lepers are healed; only one returns to give Jesus thanks. Jesus says, "thy faith has saved thee." We only enter into the full life if our faith gives thanks. Salvation, or saving, is intimately related to thanksgiving. He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God. Ps. 50:23.

Reflection:
Eucharisteo is like a present containing two other presents. Or like a Russian matroshka doll, with a doll within a doll within a doll. Giving thanks unlocks both grace/gifts and joy. I want that kind of joy. I'm not sure how I've missed this answer when it has been right in front of my face! But then again, I'm not sure how I could have missed all this grace, all these gifts, when they also have been right in front of my face.

I'm believing that as I give more thanks, I also will experience more joy.

For years of mornings, I have woken up anxious about what needs to be done that day. What to accomplish, how to be productive, what can I get done with the time I have. Always thinking about tasks. But I really care about people. And I want to be as radical about being as I previously have been about doing. I want to be alive with joy about getting to be that day, rather than fretting, planning, strategizing about what I'm going to do that day. Is eucharisteo the key to my transformation? The key to my freedom? The key to my salvation? "Sacrificing thanks prepares the way for being saved"

More time for what? I don't want to be living for the vacation. Living for the holidays. I spend most my time toiling, planning, executing, doing. I haven't embraced interruptions and messes. I blow through them as fast as I can so I can get back to do, do, do liturgy. Disgruntle the chores, verbally acknowledge the kids without really listening to them, adopt the stress that comes from imposing an artificial timeline on myself, find excuses to truncate story time before bed. More time for what? That's not living.

I notice in this chapter that in the midst of His betrayal, Jesus gave thanks. And He meant it. He gave thanks for this time with His friends. He was more consumed with this gift of being with them--a final hooray!-- than He was with His betrayal. I want to live like that--where the joy of the moment far overshadows the betrayal, pain, and grief. I realized, reding this, that when I'm in the midst of betrayal, persecution, or pain, I am totally preoccupied with it. Sure makes it hard for me to keep my eyes on "the joy set before me." makes it hard to even identify the joy, let alone keep my eyes set on it.

Saying Yes but Living the No: Reflections on One Thousand Gifts

2011-11-17T21:41:00.000-05:00

Ch. 1: An Emptier Fuller Life
Excerpts: "I say no to what He's given." "[In my ingratitude, the original sin], I've believed God isn't good. God doesn't love me. If I'm ruthlessly honest, I may have said yes to God, yes to Christianity, but really, I have lived the no." "Losses tear a hole in the canvass of the world. One life-loss can infect the whole of a life. Like a rash that wears through our days, our sight becomes peppered with black voids. Now everywhere we look, we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency." "We don't see the material world for what it is meant to be: as the means to communion with God." "Grace means favor from the Latin word gratia." "Could I live like that--the choice to open the hands to freely receive whatever God gives?" "I don't know why all [the bad stuff] happens. But if Hezekiah had died when God intended, think of all the evil that would have been avoided because Manasseh would never have been born. Maybe you don't want to change the story because you don't know what a different ending holds." "Manna means what is it? It's a mystery. For 40 years, the Israelites filled up daily on the mystery. The soul filling is inexplicable." "I wonder if the losses that puncture our world, our own emptiness, might actually become places to see. To see through to God." "How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy? Self-focus for God communion."

Reflections:

I read this chapter and the stories of her losses and how they affected her, and I wept. I wept because I identified. For the first time, I realized how much of my optic on life was marred by blotches of pain, rends of loss, and stains of grief. Torn by anger, singed by rejection, I have wondered how true, fulfilling, unending joy promised in the Bible is even possible. Something reserved for heaven, I guessed. But to read a here that she has found the gateway to that joy in this life. I was captivated.

And I was convicted. The Lord says to give thanks for all things, but my thanks have been contingent on circumstance--when life is good, I'm thankful. And when it isn't, well...I haven't been. But that has put me in the same boat as her--saying yes to God, but living the no. I remember what Mark Buchanan said about thankfulness being the secret gateway to the Kingdom, like the wardrobe was to Narnia. And yet, I have been like Peter and Susan, having every reason to believe this truth but nevertheless doubting it.

Jesus, forgive me for living the no. Forgive me for doubting, denying, complaining. For not being grateful. For turning from what You say and thus turning from what I actually need. Which then caused me to look for joy in places that could never satisfy. I have spent my money for what is not food, and my wages for what does not satisfy. Today, Lord, I choose to listen carefully to You, to eat what is good, and to delight myself in abundance. Isa. 55:2-3

Wow Such an Encouragement

2011-11-16T21:52:00.000-05:00

Hey Tshibakas!
I was in prayer this evening and you guys came across my radar. Just wanted to drop a line of encouragement to you folks. As I was praying I was so bolstered in my own spirit by the example of faithfulness and obedience that you both have lived. Here I am, married and loving life and as I reflected on the journey of healing that got me there I was brought back to that night where you both prayed for my healing. At the time it was specifically in prayer for my back, but ended up being prayer for so much more especially forgiving my father. I know that I am just one story of many in your multiple years of ministry but I wanted you to know that _I_ am so thankful. The two of you followed God and did not cling to your own agendas and even stepped out and started things that were unknown, scary and lot of work, and by doing so ended up ministering a healing to me that is one of the main reasons I stand where I do today.

Love you guys

Proverbs 10:17a - He who heeds discipline shows the way to life...

Gender and Politics from a 7 Year Old Perspective

2011-11-15T21:43:00.001-05:00

Button: Daddy, why are our Presidents always boys?
Niki: Well, they don't have to be, sweetheart. Girls can be President too.
Button: Then we should probably vote for one!

Later, Niki told her she could be President of the United States someday, if she wanted to. She said she'd prefer to be Queen of Europe, or at least Queen of England. Looks like she is a monarchist! ;)

(which is better than a socialist!)

Boycotting Christmas Shopping, for the most part

2011-11-14T20:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Family and Friends with whom we exchange Christmas gifts,

It's that time of year! We're all starting to think about Christmas shopping! Well, at least retailers are...

I just wanted to drop a note to let you all know that we won't be getting Christmas gifts for adults this year. We're kissin' Christmas shopping goodbye... Well, not for the wee ones, but for all the not-so-wee ones.

And here's why. We saw this video last year that really affected us. It showed how Americans spend billions and billions of dollars on Christmas shopping EVERY YEAR, but how a fraction of that money would significantly change living conditions and life expectancy for millions of people. (http://youtu.be/W3Wllpq0wBU) or (http://www.adventconspiracy.org/videos/)

So instead of doing what we all are usually doing throughout Christmas season (stressing, spending, haggling), we're going to be focusing on Jesus and doing something that honors Him: donating our gift-giving funds to the poor. Our giving preference is to an organization that "gives the poor a working chance" by providing the poor in third world countries micro-loans. You can even pick your own person to support here: http://www.opportunity.org/give/clients.

The kids had a lot of fun picking who they wanted to spend our money on (kids are good at that).

I'm writing to let you know all this so first, you won't be *shocked* on Christmas morning, but ALSO so you would consider joining us in taking back the real Reason for the Season by remembering the poor?

We love you all so very much!!! And Merry Christmas!
~Kelly & Niki

Gratitude or Attitude

2011-11-13T20:47:00.000-05:00

Saw this on a church sign and I have had great fun using it with the kids: Are you humbly grateful or grumbly hateful?

You can only be one
And you get to pick

Reflections on Mercy

2011-11-12T10:29:00.000-05:00

I snaggd these from a devotional written by Pastor Chris Holowaty at Cornerstone Chapel in Medina, OH. I especially liked "Mercy faces her day with a black eye, a grin on her lips and her head held high." Amen.

"Go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matthew 9.13)
Mercy is the tired lady at the checkout counter who fishes out a quarter for you when you're a little short on cash for your gallon of milk as the line of people behind you loudly tap their feet and drum their fingers.

Mercy does not play by the rules - she's probably forgotten them by now.

Mercy is the mom who takes her son out for ice cream after he brings home a note from his teacher delineating all the reasons why the boy will never amount to anything if he doesn't learn to behave.

Mercy gets confused with weakness... until you try to show mercy.

Mercy is the kid with the mohawk driving his mom's SUV who pauses long enough to allow you to exit the strip mall parking lot and merge into his lane even though it means he'll get stuck at the red light.

Mercy makes justice dance until she collapses in a fit of laughter.

Mercy faces her day with a black eye, a grin on her lips and her head held high.

Mercy is the governor who jolts his conservative party by allowing a man on death row to live out the rest of his natural life.

Mercy courts with chaos.

Mercy is what gives you the courage to admit you're nowhere close to being the person you thought you'd be by now without letting it bother you.

Mercy knows you're guilty as sin and blows you a kiss.

Mercy's best friend is humility - you rarely see them apart.

Mercy is a common yellow dandelion growing in the crack of the sidewalk that surprises you by its very existence.

Laughed So Hard I Cried

2011-11-11T20:52:00.001-05:00

Joseph has officially started potty training! (He went pee pee in the potty for the first time on Nov 6). Just before bed tonight we practiced on the potty again. Button sat on the big potty to demonstrate how to do it, and Joseph sat down on the training potty across from her. Then he proceeded, with great melodramatic flare to make loud, humorous constipation sounds and faces. He had both me and Button laughing. (But he didn't do anything in the potty!)

Then later, Joseph and I were cuddling on the bed and I was singing along with a lullaby CD, stroking his forehead. He was trying his best to sing along with me, and he was stroking my face, trying to imitate me best he could. And he did really well singing at the end when the song has a series of "ooooh"s. But then there we were oohing along together, sounding a little bit like coyotes. And that amused us both so much that we quickly devolved into a pile of uncontrollable giggles.

That two year old had me laughing so hard I was crying!

New Church Strategies Profiled in The Good Wife

2011-11-10T20:20:00.001-05:00

You'll never believe it!! In the last episode of The Good Wife, Alicia's daughter, Grace wanted to attend a Bible study...in a night club!!! "They just use the space!" she protested to her grandmother, who thought it was highly suspect for a Christian activity to take place in a, well, bar.

Go Bar Church!!!

Button and Softballisms

2011-11-09T21:41:00.000-05:00

Taking off her catcher's gear after a softball inning, she says, "Get this armor off of me!" then she followed it up with, "I'm not doing that again!" (I totally relate--that's exactly how I felt about catching!)

Bubbles

2011-11-08T21:40:00.000-05:00

The kids prefer to call each other by their relationship ("sister", "brother") rather than their first names. Now that Joseph is speaking more, he has developed his own way of saying their names.

I especially like what he calls Siah: "bud-oh". It's strikingly similar to how he says "bubbles," so the kids have determined that he's actually calling Siah "bubbles." At first they found this amusing. But now they take it really seriously. Even when Siah is teaching or correcting him, he'll refer to himself as "Bubbles." I'll overhear him use his serious and voice and say, "Now you don't talk to Bubbles that way..." There they are having a serious brother moment, and I'm just around the corner stifling a laugh!

We are All Adopted

2011-11-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

There's a new boy in the neighborhood and I invited him to join me and the kids when we went apple picking. On our way, Button explained to him that Joseph was adopted. The boy was surprised--I suspect this was the first time he met someone who was adopted. He couldn't figure it out: why did we make someone our son who was not our son?

I told him that I was adopted.

"You were?!" he asked, surprised but also seeming to understand from where our motivation came.

"Yes, I was. And you know what?" I leaned in real close, and with a twinkle in my eye I said, "You were adopted, too."

"I was?!" He was shocked. And then a look crossed his face like, "How could you know that?"

"Yes, you were. When you accepted Jesus in your heart as your Lord and Savior, did God become your Father? Did you become His son?"

"Yes..."

"Was God your Father before that? Were you a child of God before you asked for forgiveness of all your sins--everything?"

"No..." A look of realization began to dawn across his face.

"So you once were not a son of God, but now you are?"

"Uh-huh," he said, slowly nodding.

"So that means you've been adopted into God's family?"

He nodded more enthusiastically, now getting it, "I see! I'm adopted into God's family just like Joseph is doped into your family!"

Amen. Everyone who is in Christ has been adopted--we have the spirit of adoption by which we can call our God, "Father."

Positive Faith

2011-11-06T21:37:00.000-05:00

Faith is a neutral thing--you can choose to believe in good or bad, hope or despair, promises or problems. And faith is powerful--what you choose to believe in matters.

For example, for years I used to have predictably bad experiences in social gatherings. I was consistently rejected or ostracized at parties, events, meetings, dinners...you name it! So much so that I came to dread going to them. "They're just going to hate me," I thought.

In law school it got to be so bad that I talked to my pastor about it. He suggested that I imagine I'm wearing my favorite super hero's mask whenever I'm in these situations so that I won't be crippled with fear by their rejection of me, but instead would project the confidence and lovability of, well in my case, Batman.

And it worked. Over time my social encounters improved remarkably, and it wasn't long before I no longer dreaded going to social gatherings nor anticipated that even one person in the room would reject me.

Thanks to my friend, Jill Gates, I recently realized the spiritual truth behind the "Batman mask" exercise: positive faith vs. negative faith. When I believed I would be rejected, I fueled the powers of the enemy to turn people against me. But when I believed everything would be okay, I fueled the powers of God to turn people to me. Before I had faith (chose to believe) I'd be rejected. Now I have faith (choose to believe) I'll be accepted.

Positive or negative faith. For me, a daily choice.

Grace and Stones

2011-11-05T11:10:00.000-05:00

If we are not alert to the liberty Jesus has given us--the freedom and grace we now have-- then we will have a tendency to carry around stones so that we can throw them at other believers in a form of civil war. Just as the members of the synagogue of the freed men were the ones to stone Stephen (Acts 6). We have a natural inclination to be like the unforgiving servant, who cannot internalize the unbelievable grace shown to him by the master and so he doses not extend it to the fellow servant who owes him little.

Often we are in the "right" in our ability to stand in judgment and throw stones. But the grace we have been shown is the grace that compels us to put our stones down. We are to elevate people in grace, not people them under judgment. We are agents of peace, not perpetuators of civil war.

A Word from the Lord

2011-11-04T09:24:00.000-05:00

After intense suffering for Christ, after the disciples rejoiced for their suffering, THEN the church grew. Quickly. (Acts 5-7)

Prepare for growth.

Acceptance and Performance

2011-11-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

The only person who needs to be in our grand stand is Jesus Christ. The grace of Jesus is for me. I'm called only to be available, not to perform or accomplish this and that for the Lord. He is for me, regardless of what I do. He is with me, regardless of what I accomplish. He accepts me for who I am. There's no need to strive to attain the acceptance of others.

Complicated Questions about Heaven

2011-11-02T09:18:00.000-05:00

Sih was asking me questions about Heaven, and we were discussing how there would be no more tears, no more pain, no more hurt feelings. Siah followed it up with asking if there would be any discipline. I explained that there wouldn't be (so that's part of why there won't be any tears). And I encouraged him by saying that there won't be discipline because there won't be sin--he won't do anything wrong...

"No, Mama, I will do things wrong."

"Not in Heaven, Siah. There is no wrong in Heaven."

"Really, Mama? How is that possible? Didn't Lucifer sin in Heaven? Didn't the angels with him make a mistake?"

"Yes, but God made Satan leave Heaven and all the angels with him. And then He took away the angels' ability to choose bad, so now they can't sin or do bad."

"But, Mama, when I'm in Heaven won't I still be able to choose? So what if I make a choice for something bad?"

I heard his question as, "what will keep me from making the same kind of choice Lucifer made?" Over and over throughout history, we have chosen to turn from God, from Adam and Eve to our daily decisions. So it's nearly impossible to imagine an existence where we have the power to choose and we don't choose to turn from God.

I was thankful for the yard decorations that distracted Siah so I didn't have to stumble through an answer on the spot. I'm still pondering how to respond to his question--what will keep us from choosing bad?

Pancake Sabbath

2011-11-01T09:18:00.000-05:00

Saturdays are our "family day," when I'm intentional about focusing on the kids. It's also my sabbath, so the gift of not having to do anything I don't want to do makes it a lot easier to have fun and make messes with the kids.

Last Saturday I decided to start the day off special with "make your dream pancakes!" I added vanilla pudding mix to give them all a fun flavor, and then the kids could add chocolate chips, bananas, or coconut. Served it up with chocolate milk and fruit. And at the end, as Siah was cleaning up his table area, he gave me a huge compliment: "Mama, these pancakes are STUPENDOUS!" I didn't even know he knew that word!

Timely Note of Truth from a Friend

2011-10-26T14:45:00.002-05:00

The truth is...

You are lovely. You are kind. You are compassionate. You are fierce (in the good way). You are beautiful. You are wise. You are confident in the Lord. You are caring. You have the tongue of a disciple. You are teachable. You are humble. You give your life away for others. You are willing. You lay down your life for your friends. You have ears to hear Jesus. You love Jesus. You love others. You don't back down. And after all these things, you stand.

Just wanted to remind you of some truth, from someone who SEES you and KNOWS you (still-to-be-refined edges and all) and LOVES you.

Profound Perspective on Gratitude

2011-10-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

From online World magazine, by Tony Woodlief

... all of us have within our power, at any moment, the ability to turn our eyes on the hurts or on the blessings. Now, I am one of the best hurt-counters in the business. I can not only tell you just how much water is missing from the half-empty glass, I can offer you odds on who took it, and give you half a dozen reasons why I know he’s out to get me. Suffice to say that surveying blessings instead of wounds is not something that comes naturally to me.

But what a difference it makes, when I remember to do it. So after this sucker-punch of a day, the kind that in the boxing ring brings you to your knees, I sit thinking on the blessings: like my four healthy sons, safe with their mother while I am away; the fact that I have a job; that I can pray any time of the day without fear of being locked up or shot; my friends, more than I can count, who would take me in if I had nothing; and my God, who is so loving that His heart calls out to the likes of me.

When I write them down, these blessings, I run out of paper. My cup runneth over. Why fear, then, a few sucker punches? The world is a hard and sometimes unforgiving place. But love has won. Love has won.

So after this sucker punch season I've had, identifying, naming, and giving thanks for my blessings will put the pain and loss in perspective. I will see love instead. "Take heart, for I have overcome the world."

We Carry Light

2011-10-24T21:34:00.000-05:00

Just that morning I was thinking about how you're always "on call" when you have Christ in you. It's an honor, really; not a burden. He leads you where His light, life, and love are needed. You never know what you're going to walk into, but you're always ready to give what has been given to you. Freely we've received, so freely we give.

It was a beautiful autumn day. Crisp, colorful, sunny. We had the opportunity to visit some of Niki's college professors and mentors. We dropped in unannounced on one of them. She invited us into her office and it was a matter of minutes before we learned that she had spent the last year deeply grieving the tragic loss of her husband. Most of her grieving was alone.

In an instant it became clear why we were there to see her--to offer the same comfort we ourselves have received from the God of all comforts. We listened, we cared, and we offered to pray for her. Yes, she would like that very much.

And so we prayed. In the depths of a secularist academic institution, we called on the name of Jesus to comfort this dear woman who has dedicated her life to serving young students. To be with this precious soul who has known a depth of loneliness no one should experience. To offer hope in the midst of despair. To bring Light into the darkness.

When you carry the Light in you, you bring it wherever you go. And He will lead you to where He is needed most. All we a to do is be wiling to say "yes"--to freely give what we have freely received. To care about others.

Are You My Mentor?

2011-10-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

I think we've lost our bearings with respect to discipleship. Even how to do it. Culturally, we used to breathe discipleship. Kids learned vocations from their parents. Took on their trade. Learned domestic responsibilities, home economics. Rewind further than that, and we see Rabbis raising up look-a likes, who not only learned what the Rabbis knew, but also lived like they lived. Or we see the great thinkers of the history raising up students under them--from Socrates to Aristotle.

And somewhere along the way, this got lost in Western culture.

Now, instead, the cries of recent generations is, "Are you my mentor? Are you my mentor?" Like a troubling Dr. Suess book, we have mentorless orphans wandering around wondering who will lead them into greater places? Who will show them the way?

Who will disciple them?

Naked Tree

2011-10-22T09:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I feel like a naked tree. Lost all my color. Gray. Exposed. Cold. Raw to the elements of life. That's close to where I'm at right now. The wonderful thing, though, about naked trees is that heir branches are ripe for filling, ripe for new life. Like the fresh buds of March, on frozen mornings. It's still cold, it's still empty, but new life is coming.

Beauty in the ugly. Life in the lifeless. The power of resurrection in us.

Disney Vacation

2011-10-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

We had a fantastic time in Orlando this year. It was a much-needed time of re-connecting as a family, and of simply having fun--both of which were lost to us this year.

My favorite parts of the trip were having fun with the kids, making memories as a family (I came here so many times as a kid, it's so fun to take my kids on the same rides my parents took me!), and taking pictures.

I always like going to Downtown Disney. We ate at the new T-Rex restaurant--great food, fun and creative ambiance. And we stopped to get a personalized Christmas ornament--a tradition for me every time I go to Disney. This one was to commemorate Joseph's birthday, which we celebrated while we were in Orlando. He even picked out the ornament! We also stopped for ice cream at Ghiradelli ice cream store and let our imaginations run wild at the Lego store. Niki and I have concluded that Downtown Disney is one of our favorite "parks"--it has all the magic and fun of a theme park without the admission cost!

We went to Animal Kingdom, too. Saw lots of animals--a delight for Joseph. We even spotted a lion and a leopard up in the rocks on a safari. Very cool. The kids got to dance with the cast of the Lion King show. A highlight for sure. We took pictures with Mickey Mouse. I really enjoyed the ingenuity of the Everest roller coaster, and particularly appreciated the creativity of creating the "set", if you will, of the different regions and cultures hilighted in the park. It was very well done, from the lamposts to the signage. My favorite part, though, was not losing the diamond in my wedding ring--which is what happened the last time I was there!

Magic Kingdom was a hit as well. The park was less crowded than usual, so we got to hit nearly every ride we wanted. I enjoyed taking the kids on Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Pirates of the Carribbean. I love fast pass and not having to wait in line. Remember waiting for 1-2 hours for some of these rides as a kid, and now getting to just go straight to the front?! Amazing! Going to Tom Sawyer's island was incredible, too, because I read the book to Button and Siah earlier this year. So they lit up to see all the places they read about--from the white picket fence Tom painted, to Aunt Polly's house, to the cave where Tom found the treasure. Siah's outdoor adventure side came out and he took off. Wasn't long before we lost track of him. I wasn't worried--it's an island so there's only one way off!

We also had dinner at Cinderella's Table where 5 princesses meet you during dinner and you get a special pre-dinner photo with Cinderella beforehand. This is a new discovery and one of my favorite parts of the trip. I liked it more than Button did. Maybe more than Siah did -- he was pretty excited about all the princesses calling him "charming." What I realized is that really my Disney dream is to go to the Bibbidy Bobbidy Boutique, get all dolled up like a Disney princess (gown and all) then go to dinner at Cinderella's castle!

We ended the trip at Legoland on opening day. Wow. It was chaos. Very creative park. Prfectly geared towards kids our age. But the lines were insanely long. We dropped an extra $70 for a fast pass that let us go to the front of every line. Totally worth it. It was really fun to see the kids drive their own cars around on a street (no track, nothing preventing them from running into each other)--it was like watching 5 year olds play ice hockey. Great laughs! I also liked the castle-themed roller coaster. The Lego displays in there were impressive. And I could have spent a couple hours admiring the buildings and countries they built in Miniland. But I don't think we will be going again...

I also loved loved loved seeing our dear friends, Kent & Neha, April & Josh, and Will & Juniece. Those were the most enjoyable parts of our time there. But the kids would disagree--for them it was the bunk bed in the hotel room!

Not Yet

2011-10-20T09:23:00.000-05:00

As we were folding laundry together, Siah was asking me about what Jesus' body is like now that He is in heaven. We were taking about all the possible differences--sleep, eating, etc., and I told him that the Bible tells us that after Jesus resurrected, He was able to walk through walls. So when we get our new bodies, like Jesus' new body, we also won't have to use doors any more, but we will be able to walk through walls!

Siah got a glint in his eye, stood up, and charged full body into the wall in front of him. THUD! He reeled back, chuckled, and declared, "Not yet, Mama! I don't have my new body yet!"

Three Hardest Things about Ministry

2011-10-03T05:47:00.000-05:00

For me, the three hardest aspects of ministry have been:

1. When I want spiritual growth and breakthrough for people more than they want it for themselves. Jesus encountered this too, though. Imagine how He must have felt when He was unable to do any miracles in a town because of the people's unbelief.

2. Adhering to my ministry philosophy when it's so different from the predominant western ministry philosophy. Sticking to my calling when there's such great pressure to back off of it.

3. Judas. When the people whom you love and trust completely betray you for self-gain. There's something woven in the fabric of our humanity that recognizes Judas characters as the deepest evil and the ones who cause the deepest hurt. For instance, the most sinister Shakespeare characters (Iago, Macbeth, Brutus, etc.) are Judases. And at root, Lucifer was a Judas. Everyone in ministry has encountered (or anticipates they will encounter) a Judas. Jesus did. And He said they will do to us what they did to Him, and worse. None of us want the Judas. Those of us who have faced him are still scarred by the burn of the kiss on the cheek. Still wounded by the stabs to the back.

Yes, Judas hurts. The worst kind of most terrible wouldn't wish it on anyone hurt. But the real power of the enemy in Judas is getting us to dread him so much that we put ourselves in a place where we never risk encountering him. We pull out of ministry. We keep 10 feet between us in anyone to whom we're ministering. "Don't ever let anyone close enough to hurt you." This temptation whispers in our mind like a song you can't get out of your head. We start to really like and trust people we're ministering to, but then we become crippled with fear and tormented with sleeplessness because we wonder just exactly when they'll go for the jugular.

The problem is that when we keep ourselves away from Judas, we also keep ourselves away from Peter. We become so afraid of being hurt that we preclude our ability to identify, equip, and release "rocks" -- leaders who are pillars for the Church.

The challenge is to value the Peters more than the Judases. To look for Peter, rather than Judas. To be more excited about Peter than worried about Judas. To embrace both because you'd rather be stabbed in the back by Judas than lose the opportunity to love Peter.

I suspect that the things I find hardest about ministry were some of the things Jesus found hardest about ministry, too...

Save a Horse, Ride a .... Ahem

2011-10-02T05:36:00.001-05:00

I was happy! So I put on my fun Texas outlaw music to be a little rowdy. A little Gretchen Wilson, a little Big & Rich. Makes me dance a little crazy. Makes me smile.

Makes Cutie Pie dance and smile, too. I tell ya, I love that kid.

He really like Big & Rich's song Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. It's got a catchy but not-kid-appropriate chorus:

Cause I saddle up my horse

And I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
On my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

Well, I thought it'd be best *not* to promote the inappropriate part of the song, so I made sure to sing everything except the "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" lines. Didn't matter, though. That's what Cutie Pie picked up on. And that's the part he started to sing on his own.

No big deal, I thought. This will pass in a couple hours.

And it did. But not before I got the question.

"Mama? What does it mean to ride a cowboy?"

Urgh. My face totally dropped. Why didn't I see this coming?! They don't teach you how to answer these questions before you become a parent! We need a Parenting 101 textbook, and these questions need to be answered!

Here's what I did -- I told him sometimes cowboys play like he and Sister do and people ride on their backs like they're horsies. And that gives the horses a break.

That ended the inquiry (thank you, Lord)... and it taught me a valuable lesson about the media I allow them to be exposed to, even briefly!

Earthquakes and Gratitude

2011-10-01T05:33:00.002-05:00

Shannon Fabin from Church on the Hill in Waynesboro, VA wrote the following article that totally captured so much of what I'm experiencing spiritually right now. Amazing food for thought and reflection!

I've just had an "earthquake" in my life. You know, one of those life events that shakes you up and leaves you a different person than you were before. (We, in Virginia, have also had a literal earthquake recently and that shook me up as well!) I've just lost a good friend, the husband of my closest friend, in a very unexpected way. At 41, he suffered a massive heart attack and met Jesus, leaving behind a wife, 2 young daughters, and shattered pieces of a life cut short.
At the same time, I've been reading Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts." In this book, Voskamp challenges the reader to examine their life in its totality and find things-one thousand things-to start to be thankful for. Reading a book on thankfulness in all seasons of life while walking through this earthquake season has made for an interesting juxtaposition of emotions in my heart and mind.

As I have processed through the death of my friend, I have so frequently thought of Voskamp's challenge to live life with a heart of thankfulness. How can I do that in the light of such a significant loss? How can YOU do that when the rigor of ministry, the lack of growth and change, the constant barrage of needs, the onslaught of negativism from the world is constantly in your face and on your mind?

The verse that has been continually brought to mind in this season is John 10:10. It's a verse we all know, but I wonder how many of us allow it to change our perspective on earthquake events, or even minor frustrations? "The thief's purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (NLT) As I have walked out this season, I am realizing that in life and in ministry Satan so desires to steal our joy, kill our heart of thankfulness, and destroy the God-given dreams and callings within us. Life is difficult. Ministry is not an easy calling. We will constantly be confronted with frustrations, disappointments, irritations and challenges. But, in spite of all this, Scripture tells me that the heart of my Father is that my life be rich and satisfying. When my eyes are focused on all that I do have, when my heart is turned towards His gifts, when my perspective is stayed on the eternal, then I can and will live a rich and satisfying life. I will live this life not because of the external circumstances of my life, but because of the internal peace, joy and hope that are mine in Christ.
As I walk through my own difficult season and stand alongside my broken friend, I will CHOOSE thankfulness. I will stand firm and not allow the Thief to steal what is rightfully mine as a Child of God. I would encourage you to do the same. When we know Whose we are, when we stick close to the Giver of all good things, when our focus never leaves Him, then thankfulness, joy, peace...all the Fruit of the Spirit can and will be ours in abundance.

Don't Miss Out on Life

2011-09-30T05:34:00.000-05:00

I received this forward and it's totally where I'm at right now. I don't even normally read forwards! But I opened this one for "some" reason and it absolutely convicted me. This is exactly where I'm at right now. I want to walk through each day seeing the magic in it - seeing the gifts of God all around me. Not racing my kids by huge displays of the miraculous with a grit of frustration and busyness.

At a Metro Station in Washington, DC, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
About 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.
At 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
At 10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.
At 45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money, but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.
After 1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was part of a social experiment by the Washington Post about perception, taste and priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . ...
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

Where Do Babies Come From?

2011-09-29T17:22:00.000-05:00

I got the question. Me. From Cutie Pie. Just me. Niki wasn't even in town.

"Where do babies come from?"

They come from love.

"No, but how are babies made?"

[gulp] Well, the Bible says that life comes from love. Jesus loved us, so He died for us to give us eternal what?

"Life."

That's right. Over and over again, the Bible shows us that life comes from love. And that's true with babies, too. They come from love. So when daddy and mommy loved each other, that's what made you.

Oh. Well, what about mommies that aren't married? Where did their babies come from?

[you have GOT to be kidding me]

The same place, Cutie Pie. Sometimes a man and woman fall in love and choose to act married before they are married. And when that happens, a baby can come from that love because life comes from love. That's one reason why it's so important to save your love for the one woman who will be your wife.

Ooh, I see.

[phew]

Cards from Button

2011-09-28T17:18:00.000-05:00

To My Mom
See how much I love you inside the card
Mom will Be Brave
My Mom Will Be Tough
When
I am
In
danger
She
Knows Enough.
The End
To my
fragel
Mom!
To my Mom

Happy
Late
Birthday!
Mom!
You are
Brave and
Peaceful
an
Loving!!
Keep it
Like that!!!

to
The Best mom
Ever!
Strong an powerful
brave and Standing for
What's right.
A mom is a
mom and that is
r i g h t.
To my preciose mother!
From
Button

Thankfulness

2011-09-27T13:34:00.000-05:00

Thankfulness is the joyful and humble response of a heart that has been transformed by grace…Thankfulness is a good test of your faith. Its absence demonstrates that your faith is more lip service than experiential knowledge… ~Joe Thorn

Ann Voskamp makes a similar point in One Thousand Gifts: If I'm ruthlessly honest, I may have said yes to God, yes to Christianity, but really, I have lived the no.

I have lived the no, too. I think I'm daily tempted to live the no. No, God, I don't accept Your will. No, God, I'm not going to do it your way. No, God, I refuse to move until I understand. Unless I agree. Until I know. Unless I can see. I believe, but I don't. I'm grateful, but I'm not.

I want to be filled with thankfulness. Flowing in genuine gratitude. Not lip service thankfulness, but the kind that comes from an intimate knowledge of His grace. Seeing His goodness in everything. Trusting Him at all times. Being content in all things.

Lord, forgive me for my lip service thanks. And forgive me for my ingratitude. For giving myself over to thoughts of what's missing rather than meditating on all that You've given. Transform me by Your grace. And change forever the way I see things. Change my perspective, that I would be absolutely convinced, with a child-like enchantment, of Your goodness, Your presence, Your love, and Your delight in me.

Journey Into Gratitude

2011-09-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

I am vindicated! I am exonerated! I am given time to recover and heal! I have been given the job I want! I am able to move more into my dream!

And yet I've been so sad. I struggle to feel "up."

Part of it's grief. I hear that cancer survivors' hardest time emotionally occurs after they've beaten the cancer.

Part of it is simply ingratitude. The sin of Lucifer--wanting more. Thinking he was entitled to it. The sin of Adam and Eve -- simply ungrateful for all God gave and instead focusing on what He didn't give.

That's what I'm struggling with, too. And behind it all are the age-old doubts whispered by our foe: Is God really good? Where was a good God in all this attack you just went through?

I'm also tempted with pride--as if I knew a better way for the story to go. As if I could see better than God. Instead of rejoicing with THANK YOUs!, I find myself shouting Why?! and It Hurts!! But I don't let myself say those things out loud...

I don't want to feel this way. I want my life to be marked with true gratitude. In good times and in bad to always believe that He is good, that He knows best, that He loves me more than I can ever imagine...more than anyone else loves me, and more than I love myself. And the way He's writing His-story (and my story) is the best way the story could be written.

Ann Voskamp writes in One Thousand Blessings, "One life-loss can infect the whole of a life. Like a rash that wears through our days, our sight becomes peppered with black voids. Now everywhere we look, we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency." I totally relate with this right now. I have to fight to see the good, even though it's ALL AROUND ME. I'm just so tired of fighting. But I don't want to stay this way. Living by focusing on the lack isn't really living at all.

In this book, Voskamp argues that the holes from loss become the very places through which we can see past the mess of this world to the beauty of God. I'm looking forward to taking this journey with her.

Interruptions, Messes, and My Cup Runneth Over

2011-09-25T12:59:00.001-05:00

Mark Buchanan, in his book The Rest of God, makes the following observation about Jesus:

His purposes and His presence often come disguised as detours, messes, defeats. "I came to you naked," Jesus says. "I came to you thirsty." "When, Lord?" we ask, startled. When He wore the disguise of an interruption. (p 80)

Buchanan also comments on Mr. Holland's opus:

[Mr. Holland's] opus isn't the composition. It is all these lives --men and women, young and old--his life has touched. It is all these people his passions and convictions have helped and shaped. It's all that's being formed in the crucible of interruptions.
I have a hard time with interruptions and messes. They are like fire hoses pummeling my young orchids of Patience. But these insights from Buchanan really made me re-think my response. Lately, I've been looking for Jesus in the messes. And I've been valuing people (especially my kids) more than the time "lost" in the interruptions.

Just this morning the kids and I were reviewing Psalm 23. Siah asked me, "Mama, what does it mean "my cup runneth over?"

"Well, what it's saying is that Jesus sets out a banquet for you -- a fancy dinner for you in front of all your enemies. And then he fills your cup up with your favorite drink--like Sprite or Root Beer. Whatever the best drink is, that's what He starts filling your cup with.

And then He keeps filling and keeps filling, and with a twinkle in His eye He keeps pouring even after it's filled up. So now you're having to slurp up soda off the table as fast you can, saying," (and this is where I put on my silly voice) "'Jesus, Stop! Mama HATES messes!! Stop!' (slurpy slurpy), Stop!!'"

The kids were laughing so hard, imitating me and my silly slurpy-faced voice, "Stop, Jesus! That's too much soda!"

"But He just keeps filling and filling because He loves you so much, He'll pour out more blessings on you than you can handle."

Yep, that's what that verse in Psalm 23 shows me -- Jesus doesn't mind the messes. In fact, He delights in them.
Because the messes contain the abundant blessings.

Fun with the Kids

2011-09-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

In this season, I want to re-connect with my kids. Just have silly fun with them, you know? Talk to them about life. Help them understand fun, and themselves, and what it means to be part of our family. Our family is *fun*. Super high premium value. But a large part of that has been lost over the past several months.

So the other night I took the advice of one of my mentors. We threw a big sheet over the coffee table and we all crawled under there with a flashlight and read a story together. Great FUN. The kids were so excited.

And another night I stuffed their mouths full of whip cream for finishing their math flash cards before their timers ran out.

And we had breakfast for dinner. And ice cream for dessert on a week night -- way against the rules!

What ideas do you have?

How Do I Internalize the Truth that God Loves Me

2011-09-23T12:54:00.000-05:00

Hey, Wild Woman--appplication question for you. While listening to Alistair Begg this AM, I concluded that while I know God loves me, I have not internalized that. If I had internalized it, my love for others would be flowing forth in far greater quantity. How do I overcome that blockage? I know that I am weak/missing an element in my relationship with Him (my fault, not His) and it seemed to come together this am. Now, how do I overcome?

Internalization comes 2 ways: 1) meditating (Josh 1:8) and 2) speaking (out of the mouth comes the overflow of the heart). So you could meditate on key scriptures about the love of God, chewing them over in your mind. (I write them on an index card and carry them in my pocekt each day so I can reflect on them whenever I'm waiting, walking, etc.) As you speak these truths as a prayer or speak them out loud to memorize them, they become imbedded in your heart. The more you speak them, the more internalized they become.

Scriptures to start with are Psalm 23, Isa. 43:1-4, Romans 8:31-39, and 1 John 4:15-21.

I also recommend reading the book Surrender to Love by David Benner.

Daddy's Not Old Enough

2011-08-13T15:41:00.000-05:00

Siah just got a new game system--the Nintendo DS! He's almost 5 years old, so we figure he's ready for it. Well, while he was tagging along with Niki to a work lunch, he lost the stylus. It fell between the booth and the wall, and they couldn't get it out! Niki chided him on the way to the car, "Looks like you're not old enough for a DS, Siah!"

As they were exiting the parking garage, Niki realized he'd misplaced his parking ticket. Siah chimed up from the back, with a grin, "Looks like you're not old enough for parking tickets, Daddy!"

Wait for Boaz

2011-08-05T21:42:00.002-05:00

I read this and was amused, and thought it was wise advice, so I'm passing it along:

"For Single Ladies: Quick Bible Lesson...In the Bible, Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, Please don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Downlowaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz, or Marriedaz! And Especially his third cousin, Beatingyoaz. PLEASE....wait on your Boaz, and make sure HE respects Yoaz!!!"

A Nun and a Teacher

2011-08-04T19:24:00.001-05:00

The other day, Button boldly declared, "When I grow up, I want to be a num and a teacher!"

"A nun, not a num, right?"

"No, a num. I don't want to get married. I just want to love and serve Jesus. And that's what nums do."

"Okay, and what do you want to teach?"

Button reflected for a moment, and then declared, "Discipleship!"

Detours, Messes, and Defeats

2011-08-03T20:23:00.001-05:00

"His purposes and presence often come disguised as detours, messes, defeats. I came to you naked, Jesus says. I came to you thirsty. "When, Lord?" we ask, startled. When He wore the disguise of an interruption." (Buchanan's The Rest of God)

This reminded me of the great ones of scripture - like Moses, David, Peter, Paul. And their detours, messes, and defeats - like murder, adultery and conspiracy to commit murder, denying Jesus and deserting Him at the cross, and murdering Christians and rejecting one of the gospel authors (Mark). And yet, they're still the great ones.
It's amazing how big His grace is. It's amazing how complete His redemption is. It's amazing how much sin is covered by His love.

2011-07-16T20:22:00.000-05:00

We have become increasingly aware of how fundamentally spiritual this battle is--it plays out in the natural, but it is a spiritual battle. Since the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses, we are taking our battle plan cues from God (the best we can) and doing what He says when He says it.

The strategy has been changing over time--He gives us verses to guide us. For example, for awhile it was stand and don't move, then it was trust in the name of the Lord (which prompted me to do dive into the various names of the Lord and what they mean), and now it's sing His praises and be confident that we will overcome only by the blood of the Lamb (nothing on my own merit or effort).

We know it's spiritual, too, because it affects Niki spiritually as much as it affects me, even though the natural world circumstance only directly relates to me.

We have had some *hard* days--days of fear, doubt, or despair. Especially because things in the natural have gotten worse--the injustices and judgments against me have increased, and this battle still doesn't have an end in sight. But the Lord has strengthened our hearts and given us just what we needed when we needed it. For example, He has shown me that the reason this is taking so long is because He is involved, defending us from the enemy. Otherwise, this would have been done months ago, but I would not have been vindicated. Those who wait on the Lord will not be put to shame! But waiting takes time...

It has been eye opening, surprising, and encouraging to me how much my present circumstance parallels the situation Daniel found himself in before he was thrown in the lion's den, and what Paul described about his situation in Philippians 1. And Paul said that his imprisonment for Christ would turn out for his "deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ." In the same way, I believe that this will work out for my deliverance in large part because of others' prayers for me. So thank you so much for your prayers for us during this time!

And may it be "that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Rhubarb Scare

2011-07-15T20:50:00.000-05:00

During our tip to Alaska, the kids were waiting on the 4-wheelers, ready for another adventure. As we were gearing up, Button told me that she had eaten part of "that plant over there." She thought it was funny, almost as funny as Siah's reaction when she gave it to him to eat and he was spitting it out all over the place.

But I didn't think it was funny. "Which plant, Button?! Which plant??" What Button didn't know is that my mom grows rhubarb to make pies and jellies, and that the leaves of rhubarb plants are poisonous when ingested. She lifted up her arm and pointed right at the rhubarb plant. My heart dropped.

Think fast...think fast! We were out in the middle of nowhere--too far to get to a pharmacy in time to get medicine to make her vomit. I had to induce vomiting now, or take her to the ER.

I told her to go grab her toothbrush and bring it back outside. And right there in the woods of Alaska, I taught here how to trigger her gag reflex using her toothbrush and expel all the rhubarb leaves she had ingested. Crisis averted.

Man drowning, moose getting ready to charge, racing the dogs inside so the eagles don't swoop them up, poisonous plants...I just don't remember Alaska being this dangerous growing up...

2011-07-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

In response to our This is Discipling video, I received a note from "a devout Roman Catholic."

She wrote, "My husband's family is Protestant and the hardest thing for me was the lack of discipleship. Their church was all about fun, fun, fun! Fun music, coffee bars, big productions, etc….and I never understood where the learning happened? Where the formation happened? I always took Advent season, Lent, and Easter very seriously and for my in-laws is was always about the great choir production at Christmas, the drive through nativity scene, the Passion Play production or the Easter egg hunt. Church was the social place. Church was the place to dress up and look better than your neighbor, church for them was the place they were entertained. But, for me it has always been a holy place. A place I genuflect out of respect because I believe God is present. A place where I learn to be a better Christian. A place I can heal because I am not SAVED just because I say so. I am only saved by living and believing in Christ every day. That my church is a hospital for sinners, not an entertainment venue."

What profound insights and observations! I also have had those experiences in churches. I think it's a challenge endemic to all Christians--the socio-cultural pull to appeal to a consumer-based American mentality. I've seen it across denominations, and I've also seen effective discipleship happening across denominations. And that's because the enemy doesn't limit his attacks to certain denominations, nor does Jesus want disciples from only certain denominations.

Discipleship Resources

2011-07-13T20:01:00.000-05:00

I received an email inquiring about discipleship resources that might help provide some background on how to develop a discipleship culture.

The first resource I recommend is to study what the Bible says about disciples/discipling. You'll get a lot out of just doing that, especially early on before your ideas are strongly influenced by Christian sub-cultures.

Second, the primary materials that shaped the way I think about and do discipling are the teachings and writings from Dr. Daniel Brown. His website is ctw.coastlands.org. Check out The Other Side of Pastoral Ministry, How to Mobilize Your Church, One-to-One Ministry, Highly Effective Discipleship, Church with Attitude, Process Leadership, and Raising More Leaders.

Reflections on Endurance

2011-07-05T12:05:00.001-05:00

We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.
James 5:11

A significant component of the Christian walk is simply enduring. Get up, don't quit, go to bed. Repeat. Again. And again.

One foot in front of the other doesn't make for a very dramatic race, but it does get you down the road of endurance.

And we count those blessed who endured. I don't ever really want to go through what they've gone through (just being honest), but I do want the blessings and life they have at the end of the road of endurance. I look at these enduring ones, and I see great hope, joy, peace, and fruit from their labors. They know Jesus in a way that I want to know Him. They are filled with fruit of the Spirit. In short, I want to grow up to be like them.

Romans 5 recounts for us what we get from endurance -- proven character and a hope that does not disappoint. What great treasure! I want that! But Romans 5 says there's only one way to get it--tribulation.

In the middle of tribulation, it brings comfort and strength to reflect on the truth in this verse from James--by keeping in mind the outcomes of the Lord's dealings in other saint's lives, we can take comfort in knowing that He will work our tribulations for good, too. It's His nature--He is full of compassion and merciful.

Job really we

Lessons in Fishing (for men) from an Alaskan Fishing Trip

2011-07-05T00:35:00.002-05:00

"It's called fishing, not catching. Most the time you don't catch anything. But when you do, it's really exciting!" said the rugged Alaskan outdoorsman.

What a statement on what it's like to be a Christian--you share the Gospel, love, serve, give...and most the time you don't see much come from your efforts. It's hard work. And like Button, who had about 20 minutes of fishing in her before she passed out asleep in the boat, we are all inclined to just "put the pole down." God knew this, though. Which is probably why He encouraged us to not grow weary in doing good for there is a reward for our work.

The best fish are usually towards the bottom. So you've gotta get a weight on your line that's heavy enough to get your hook down there. Same thing for believers--you're going to be a better fisher-of-men if you've got more weight or substance to your faith, character, and application of biblical truth.

Fishing--whether for fish or for men--takes a lot of patience and perseverance. Just keep trying, don't give up.

And the lure is key--it's gotta look like something the fish wants or it won't go for it. Same thing with fishing for men. Christians have to be appealing or people won't be interested in what they're saying, what they're doing, or what they have to offer. Too often, Christians can be very unappealing (cliche-ish, rules-oriented, unkind, judgmental), rather than looking like Christ, exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit. The lure you use matters. As the Alaskan outdoorsman said, the fish are smart.

The Importance of Vowels

2011-07-04T01:03:00.000-05:00

So my parents have these two dogs, Tootsie and Roll. My dad always has had creative names for our pets--we had two mutts once that he named Bonnie and Clyde. Any case, our kids have been quite taken with Tootsie and Roll. And they've also been a little sloppy with saying "Tootsie"'s name, and her nickname, "Toots." Instead, they've been replacing "oo" with "i", which makes for some very humorous off-color moments... I keep reminding them: it's tOOts!!!

Alaska Adventures

2011-07-02T20:18:00.000-05:00

We have been in Alaska for 2 days now. And what a 2 days it's been. We went to see some friends in Foursquare who are up here not too far from my parents, building a house in the middle of nowhere. It is the most beautiful nowhere you've ever seen, but it's still nowhere. So these friends are up here building a home, and some other friends are with them helping them out for a week or two.

We visited their worksite and had a blast. I loved watching the kids scramble around the construction site, mud ditch, and campfire. It reminded me so much of my childhood. And then...in a flash, Button ran over and picked up hot briskets that were sitting on top of a Dutch oven cooking coffee cake. Her hand was pretty badly burned, but after a trip to the pharmacy, some Motrin, aloe, and gauze, she was doing better. By the grace of God, she's only got small blisters.

The next morning, before breakfast, while I was still in my pajamas, a guy fishing out in the lake fell out of his canoe and started to drown. He screamed out for help, but quickly lost all strength and the ability to cry out for help. His head was bobbing up and down in the water. It didn't look good. I raced out of the house barefoot and started untying the boat. Dad got the keys and started the engine, but it didn't start! For over 2 minutes we couldn't start the boat. I was praying and frantically using oars to try to row the boat out there. But he was nearly a quarter mile away and I wasn't making much progress. Finally the boat started and we got over there fast. We pulled the guy in-- he could hardly breathe. And he wasn't moving much. Eventually he was able to sit up and breathe a little better. The ambulances came screaming down the road and met us back at the house, ready to take him to the hospital. He's gonna be ok (thank you, Lord!).

If that wasn't enough, later that day dad and I took the kids 4-wheeling and we suddenly came upon a mama moose and her calf. Normally, they would trot off. But not this moose--she was standing her ground, staring us down. And it didn't take much for her to begin hoofing the earth, hackles up, ready to charge. The kids were fascinated, and talking way too loudly for that moose's liking. Fortunately, we were able to back away slowly without any run-ins with the moose.

And I'm about ready for a vacation from this vacation. : D

Why is it so hard to believe?

2011-04-05T20:46:00.003-05:00

God gives you a word. It's confirmed. Again and again and again. It's Him. That's for sure. So then why is it so hard to believe? So painful?

I heard it can be because believing when it's hard is akin to birth -- you're birthing things spiritually.

I wish there was an epidural for faith.

Staying Focused

2011-04-04T06:33:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago, I got up early and spent some time praying (mostly about our upcoming Foursquare convention and healing for people in our church). Towards the end of my prayer time, I passed out, hit my head, and was knocked unconscious. Unbelievable, but true! I suffered a serious concussion and damaged a part of my brain that controls my eyes’ ability to focus. For several weeks I experienced severe double vision and had to wear a pirate patch! "Ayyeee, matey!” Yeah, I looked pretty banged up. But you should have seen the other guy!

While I was recovering, the Lord taught me a lot about the importance of focusing. When I didn’t have my patch on, I’d get nauseous, run into things, and endanger myself and others (especially if I tried to drive!). It was only when I focused that I was able to accomplish my work, stay healthy, and get through the day safely.

The same is true for us spiritually. Staying focused on precisely what God has called us to do is critical to our effectiveness, health, and safety.

We see this spiritual truth illustrated in the story of Moses asking Pharaoh to release the people of Israel to go worship God in the desert. In response, Pharaoh “commanded the taskmasters over the people and their foremen, saying… ‘Let the labor be heavier on the men, and let them work at it so that they will pay no attention to false words.’" (Exodus 5:6-9). Pharaoh set taskmasters over the people to oppress them even more than he already had. As a result, the people opposed Moses, concluding that God’s words and His call on them were untrue.

In the same way, one of the enemy's strategies against us today is to burden us heavily with things to do--the tyranny of the urgent, the demands of work, or the pressures of life. And when we're under the affliction and oppression of the “Taskmaster,” we often question God’s words to us and His call on our lives. Our labor becomes an overwhelming burden, and we collapse under its weight. We begin to succumb to our doubt as the Taskmaster intensifies his assault. And as we labor under the Taskmaster’s yoke, we lose our strength, we lose our hope . . . and we lose our focus! We start doing a whole lot of things we weren’t meant to do.

But we weren’t created to do the work of the Taskmaster. We never were meant to labor under his yoke. Ours is the glorious calling to do the work of God by staying focused on what it is He has called us to do.

The Lord has given us individual gifts and callings. But there is one command that has remained constant from the time of His resurrection: Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:19). Just as the nation of Israel had a calling, so, too, does the church of Jesus Christ: Go and make disciples. This calling is neither optional nor untrue—it has been the same for all believers for all time. Staying focused on this calling is essential to accomplishing our mission, staying healthy, and ministering in an effective way.

Thoughts on Sermons

2011-04-03T21:45:00.000-05:00

Sermons for sermons sake are pointless. So often we treat sermons as ends in themselves--so much work goes into giving this oratory performance with the end goal being to deliver a "good" sermon (which most often is determined based on how entertaining it is).

I think sermons are supposed to be means, not ends--means to making disciples. If a sermon doesn't advance the mission of making disciples, then it's pretty much pointless.

I can't find anything in the Bible that talks about teaching, sermonizing with excellence merely for excellence sake. Instead, it seems like it's all to lead people to what's best for them, help people navigate the rapids of life, build people up in love, keep them from harm, ground them in truth so they don't get knocked over. Sermons are one of many tools used to help people live (and love) more like Jesus.

The only time I see eloquent, showy sermons in scripture is when Jesus is describing the Pharisees teaching style. They're a great show. But they don't come from a place of love. They don't help. They miss the heart of God.

But how much do my sermons accomplish that? How much do our Sunday mornings together accomplish that? And how much do we expect sermons to entertain more than to equip?

Siah's Half Birthday

2011-04-02T21:35:00.002-05:00

We like to celebrate half birthdays. They're a great excuse to have fun, celebrate each other, and invite friends over to share life with us. We keep it easy--and silly. The theme is "half." So we have half a pizza, half a cake, and generally make it through half a movie. : D

For Siah's half birthday, we did just that, complete with dancing on the coffee table (myself included), playing video games, and watching Star Wars the Clone Wars (it's only fitting in the "Chewbaccas" house, after all).

Best part of the whole thing for me -- next to doing something awesome for our kids -- is loving on their friends. I want our family and our home to be a safe, fun place for them, too. I want to be a part of their lives, support them, enjoy them, and help them in times of need as they face life's challenges. If I'm going to be there for them then, I need to be there for them now. It's all about developing relationships with them such that they know that they know that they know that I love them.

Influence

2011-04-01T21:34:00.001-05:00

I walked around the buildings on Capitol Hill--where all the staffers, lobbyists, senators, and congressmen are. As I watched the staffers buzz between buildings and glimpsed cracked windows with hard-working policy makers tucked behind their computers, I couldn't help but think of how much influence these people have simply by virtue of where they are.

Just think of the people they encounter on a daily basis! Just think of how far a little Truth would go when spoken by these people! Just think of how a little love from someone inside could transform a district, a state, and even a nation! What influence even the "smallest" person in these halls possesses.

And as I sat there wanting to be one of them simply to have these kind of opportunities, I realized that it wasn't that long ago that I was one of them and I did have their influence. I worked on the Hill. I had one of those windows. I was tucked behind one of those computer screens. And what did I do with it?

[cricket]

It wasn't that I was ashamed of the Gospel of Christ. It wasn't that I wasn't living a life of Light. It was more that at the time, I didn't realize or appreciate the magnitude of my influence simply because of where I was placed. I was a nobody. What influence did I have? But now from the outside looking in, it's so easy to see. Why didn't I see it then?

Come to think of it, why am I standing here wishing I had the influence of these people when I'm uniquely positioned right where I am? I might be in a different office, but I'm still in the government. And I'm a lot higher up than I was when I worked on the Hill. And day by day I encounter people making incredibly significant decisions for our nation.

And why didn't I recognize I had this influence until now? How is that all these years later, I still think of myself as a "nobody," and I haven't appreciated the way God has "set my hind feet in high places"--giving me access to people and offices and decision-makers that countless people wish they could access. On the outside looking in, it must look like I'm in quite a position to have quite an influence. How is it that every day it is so hard for me to believe that I have been "placed here for such a time as this"--that where I am and when I am is not a coincidence?

What am I doing with the influence I have?

What are you doing with the influence you have?

I was Moved with Compassion for this Family

2011-03-28T06:09:00.001-05:00

When I hear a story like this, I wonder "why did this come my way? Lord, what would you have me do?" I was moved with compassion to help them. Please pray and give as you feel led-- This is what it means to be the body of Christ.

7-year-old Ian is waiting for a heart transplant. He was a healthy boy until about a month ago, and then all of a sudden his heart failed. He's currently on a berlin heart right now, which is temporary until he gets a heart. They say the waiting time is an average of 6 months, so Ian will be on the berlin heart until then. It is a big device that sticks out of his chest and is attached to a cart. Because of his condition, he can't even see his sister.
Friends and family are helping to raise funds for Ian's family, as the costs are going to be huge, not only for the operation but also living expenses for the next several months. It is a long journey. Right now, Ian's family is struggling to cover their day to day expenses. So any gift is appreciated.

You can contribute directly through a paypal account or send a check in mail (let me know if you prefer this option and I'll send you the mailing address). Here is the paypal account set up in ian's name: go directly to Pay Pal and use the email address ian.fund.thompson2011@gmail.com

Note of Encouragement from a Friend

2011-03-27T07:08:00.000-05:00

Just what I needed, right when I needed it:

"Just remember, God's proud of you and your accomplishments/career, so whenever you feel like your too busy, just take a deep breath and know that You're Awesome and I'm sure your husband, kids, church and co-workers think so too."

What to Look for in a Husband

2011-03-25T08:59:00.000-05:00

Christian single women look for many attributes in a husband--from similarities in faith beliefs to good looks. In my estimation, the most important attribute a woman can look for--right after whether the man loves Jesus--is whether the man cherishes her.

2 Samuel 12 tells the story of how Nathan confronted King David after King David killed a man named Uriah so he could marry Uriah's wife, Bathsheba. Nathan uses this story to describe for King David how Uriah loved Bathsheba:

"There were two men in one city, the one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a great many flocks and herds. But the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb which he bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and his children. It would eat of his bread and drink of his cup and lie in his bosom, and was like a daughter to him. Now a traveler came to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take from his own flock or his own herd, to prepare for the wayfarer who had come to him; rather he took the poor man's ewe lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him."

Uriah cherished Bathsheba. Though he had food, and drink, and children, "he had nothing except her." She was his world. She lit up his life like a baby girl does her father's.

In contrast, for King David, Bathsheba was just one of many in the herd. He had a lot of flocks and herds. He had a lot of everything, really. And she was added to his collection. He wanted her--for his own pleasure and satisfaction. But he did not want her like Uriah wanted her. King David's want was based on him (and his lust); Uriah's want was based on her (he cherished her for who she was).

My prayer for all the single Christian women in my life is that they marry Jesus-loving men who truly cherish them.

Words from the Lord for Me Lately

2011-03-21T06:07:00.000-05:00

There's a theme here--can you see it?

Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent. Exodus 14:13-14

For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come into the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God. John 3:20-21

Do not fear for those who are with us are more than those who are with them. "O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see." And the Lord opened the servant's eyes and he saw; and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. 2 Kings 6:16-17

You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah & Jerusalem. Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out and face them for the Lord is with you. 2 Chronicles 20:17

Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent; for I am with you, and no man will attack you in order to harm you, for I have many people [here]. Acts 18:9-10

Shame

2011-03-20T07:54:00.002-05:00

Definition of SHAME
1a : a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety b : the susceptibility to such emotion
2: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute : ignominy
3a : something that brings censure or reproach; also : something to be regretted : pity b : a cause of feeling shame

"Outback"

2011-03-19T13:29:00.000-05:00

Button, totally innocently, calls the Outback near our home, "Outhouse."

"Mama, can we go to OUTHOUSE for dinner?!"

Um, no.

A Card from Button

2011-03-18T13:20:00.001-05:00

Button came home with a card she made me at school regarding the pet situation in our home (she and Siah each have a fish, but we won't get any other pets because of our busy schedule and regular travel). It read:

Dear Mommy,

You are cool. I like you. Wy do you think fish are the right pet for me and Siah? A cat would do?? Or...or...or...a dog??? A fish just swimes!! Dogs play! Cats snag against you!! You think cats are lazy! I respecket your epenyon but i dis agree anyways. Why can't a ginei pig be my pet?

The Passing of Bill Stuntz

2011-03-17T05:23:00.000-05:00

My protestant Christian law professor (there was only one at Harvard Law at the time), Bill Stuntz, passed away on March 15 after a long battle with cancer. Here's the article in the Harvard Law newspaper: http://www.law.harvard.edu/news/2011/03/15_william-stuntz.html

In the world of law, he was one of the most highly respected criminal law minds. In fact, his "Policing the Police" was one of my favorite classes during law school and has most shaped and informed my legal career.

In the kingdom of God, Stuntz was a warrior, an advocate, and an example to follow. I remember the way he supported our Christian Fellowship. I remember him delighting in his children, advocating for his daughter, and being devoted to his wife. I am thankful for the generosity he showed me and Niki in the gift he got us for our wedding. I was shaped by the way he challenged my thinking as a Christian--from prosperity theology to the calling of a lawyer. And I am grateful for the way he put things into perspective during my turbulent 3rd year when I was unable to get a job in one of the big-named-law-firms most respected by the Harvard Law crowd. "What matters to these people doesn't really matter," he said. There was something about it coming from him that made it true.

I admire the way he fought the good fight. I remember him talking about the intensity of the spiritual battle he and his family faced in Cambridge and how tempting it was to move back to UVA. But he didn't. He knew God called him to Harvard Law, and he was not going to concede the ground to the enemy.

His perseverance served as a light in the darkness to us believers on campus. I remember walking across campus one night, totally overwhelmed and in despair. Law school was hard. And it seemed like it wasn't worth it. But then I walked past the library and saw Stuntz's light on in his office. Just knowing he was there was such an encouragement to continue persevering myself.

I also remember how nothing shook his belief in the goodness of God. No matter how sick he was, he believed in God, he trusted God, and he knew God was good.

He lived well. He fought well. He made a profound difference. And I believe he has heard those priceless words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Sin Ain't Always What You Think It Is

2011-03-16T05:17:00.002-05:00

Sin ain't always what you think it is. Let's take pride for example. We think of humility as being a bar, say at floor level, and anything over the bar of humility is pride (arrogance, pompousness, egomania). And that's true. But humility actually is a mid-level bar. And anything under it is pride, too. It's just harder to recognize. For example, insecurity and self-consciousness are just as prideful as arrogance and pompousness because the focus is still ME. Whether we're over or under the bar of humility, we've stumbled into the trap of sin.

Same thing's true with love of money. We think of anything over the bar of money as love of money -- having too much money, greed, workaholism, overspending, maybe even being rich. So in our efforts to strive to not love money, we can unknowingly stumble under the bar of money and end up loving it just the same in our lack of it (e.g., choosing to live in poverty or not pay bills, unwisely neglecting to save anything, focusing (obsessing?) on sales and coupons). In this place, we're still focusing on money, money, money. So it's just as sinful as greed or workaholism -- at its essence, it's worshipping mammon.

Our enemy prowls around like a lion looking for who he can devour. He doesn't care if you stumble above or below the bar. He just wants you to stumble. And he will use any measure of deceit to get you to stumble--he is the father of all lies, after all. One of his strategies is to get us to sin while we think we're doing a pretty good job of not sinning.

Facebook Scares Me

2011-03-15T05:30:00.002-05:00

From a social perspective: Facebook (and all social networking) has changed the essence of relationship. We increasingly replace relationship with information, thinking we are connecting with people simply because we posted something on a "wall."
From a marriage perspective: A significant number of divorces is occurring over the content of Facebook pages. One divorce lawyer in New York has a full load of divorce cases generated over something a spouse posted.
From a protecting kids perspective: 1/3 or more of Facebook pages are fake.
From a national security perspective: The Russians own over 12% of Facebook
From a you've-got-to-be-kidding-me perspective: Any picture uploaded to Facebook can be accessed for all time, including that not-so-flattering candid posted by your "friend" who you met at a party once. And that picture has embedded metadata -- so people can see the original picture (if it was cropped, the cropped part is still out there FOREVER) and tell from the metadata exactly where it was taken (if it was taken in your backyard, anyone in the world can find out exactly where you live by the metadata stored in the picture file).
From a where-did-my-privacy-go perspective: By analyzing which of your friends talk to which of your friends, Facebook has a creepy-accurate ability to determine your respective social groups, how they know each other, what they have in common, who you talk to (or like) the most, and how they're affiliated with you. CREEPY.

And we're worried about the Patriot Act?

Heart Broken for Orphans in Ethiopia

2011-03-14T07:08:00.000-05:00

The Ethiopian Ministry of Women's Affairs (a lightly staffed office that (along with several other offices) is required to review and approve every Ethiopian adoption) has decided that it will only review 5 cases per day. This is a 90% reduction in case load, which could result in a 90% reduction in the number of children adopted out of Ethiopia. Last year 2,500 Ethiopian children were adopted by U.S. families, and over 1,500 more were adopted by families in other countries. Our Joseph was one of them.

The stated reason for this is concerns over adoption fraud. However, other news accounts also say the Ministry of Women's Affairs has felt overburdened by its amount of work. In the past year, significant progress has been made in improving and increasing transparency in the Ethiopian adoption process (including requiring adoptive parents to fly out, meet their child, and appear before the court before traveling again to pick up the child).

The decision is still interim and not yet finalized. The Minister of the Ministry of Women's Affairs was supposed to meet with a network of adoption agency representatives this past weekend to discuss concerns over the reduction in case load. It also appears that many within the Ethiopian government, as well as the U.S., Spain, and Italy governments are surprised by (and opposed to) this decision. The National Council For Adoption (NCFA) has issued a statement saying the directive is unfair, unnecessary, and harmful to children in Ethiopian orphanages who await permanent families.

Ethiopia has approximately 5-8 million orphans. (News accounts say 5; the director of an orphanage system there says 8).

My heart is broken over the idea that millions of other Josephs will be waiting and waiting and waiting in orphanages with 90% less chance of making it to their forever families. And my heart is broken for those who are moved with the spirit of adoption, whose heart has already loved these children, and they have a 90% less chance of ever being united.

True religion in the eyes of God our Father is to look after orphans.

Lord, hear my cry, for I know it is Your heart for these orphans that is moving me to tears. Turn this directive on its head. Instead of a 90% decrease from last year, may there be a 90% increase in the adoptions out of Ethiopia. Instead of being one of the countries that has the most orphans in the world, may Ethiopia be one of the countries that has completed the most adoptions. May Ethiopia be changed forever by Your spirit of adoption. May their children be loved, cared for, and healthy. May their people be lifted, supported, and brought out of poverty. And may their Ministry of Women's Affairs be resourced to process twice the adoptions as before and completely persuaded that reducing the number of adoptions is wrong and devastatingly harmful to their children. AMEN.

Insight from a Mentor on Life, Light, and the Work of the Lord

2011-03-14T05:19:00.000-05:00

When someone's spirit is wounded in the womb, they often fear coming into the light (be born). They can refuse to be born, surpassing their due date and growing fat (larger than life!) in a secure place.
This woundedness and pattern can play out later in life, too, with people fearing coming into the "light" or experiencing life, and growing bigger and bigger in a safe place where their "bigness" isn't really being tapped into.
They fear that in the light, they will have to deal with others' thoughts about them, mental games from the enemy, or adversaries' actions.
God calls us into the light. He doesn't want us to be big for big sake. He doesn't want us to pursue safety over purpose.
Healing and deliverance usually are gradual. Even for those who have experienced a powerful healing moment, there often still is more to be done. God's timing is perfect.
Exodus and Numbers describe how Moses prepared priests for the work of the Lord. They removed their individuality and moved them into the priesthood (the work of the Lord was more important than the individual uniqueness (and limitations) of each person).
The call to do the work of the Lord is gender-blind. It's not about manhood. It's not about womanhood. The priests' genitalia was covered with a garment, signifying that God wasn't looking at that part of them. (I'm coming as one called, not as a woman)
The priests washed before they ministered. They washed away "self," shame, and all words and thoughts of fear. The only thing that mattered was: "Have I heard from the Lord what He wants me to do/say?" "Am I clean before Him?"

Sage Wisdom from a Spiritual Mentor

2011-03-13T06:12:00.001-05:00

There is a pattern in creation of withdrawal and return. We see it in the ocean. We see it in marriage. We see it in spiritual lives. People will withdrawal and return in their walks with Jesus.
When people in our church are withdrawing in their walks, it means they need to be discipled again or they need to withdraw from us as a church and as their pastors.
Conversion (which also means "convincing") is a lengthy process. And it's lengthier for sick souls--it takes them longer to be convinced of God's goodness, unfailing love, and faithfulness.
If withdrawal is complete (in any area) and separation occurs for awhile, it creates great expectancy for what is missed. If we do spiritual separation correctly, it will create a zealous desire to return to the Lord. At that point, our souls are at a height of spiritual fertility, ready to receive all God has and bear great fruit.
Spiritual withdrawal continues to occur until we're sure of ourselves in the Lord -- then we don't need to withdraw anymore.

A Day of Firsts!

2011-03-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

Today was Joseph's first hair cut (he did so well and looks so handsome!).
And today he took his first steps! I even got it on camera!
And today was the first time he said, "mama." He said it to get my attention (rather than screaming) because he wanted more snacks.

Memorial Service and Eulogy for Granma

2011-03-12T06:09:00.000-05:00

I officiated the graveside funeral service for my grandma, Jean Allsup. Here is the order of service and eulogy from her funeral:

Eulogy and Order of Service for Jean Harvey Allsup

(Oct. 15, 1923-Nov. 25, 2010)

Today we gather to celebrate and remember the life of Jean Harvey Allsup. She was born October 15, 1923 here in Pendleton. She was the daughter of James and Clara Straughan Harvey, the wife of Ed Allsup, the mother of Sharon and Micki, and the grandmother of Ron, Jenna, Lindsay, and me! And she was the great grandmother of Denali, Josiah, and Joseph. They call her "the great one." Her legacy is rich and she will be missed.

Our order of service today will be as follows (and I’d like to note that Jean selected these songs for her funeral because she loved them):

· Prayer

· Song: Precious Lord, Take My Hand

· 1 Thessalonians 4:13-17

· Song: Going Home

· Eulogy

· Remarks of Remembrance from Friends and Family

· Committal

· Psalm 23* (corporate reading)

· Amazing Grace*

· Prayer

· Final Blessing

EULOGY

At this time, I’d like to share some words and stories in remembrance of my granma, Jean Allsup. Jean was a Straughan, a Harvey, and an Allsup, and she continued the legacies of these great families.

As a Straughan, Jean was a pioneer woman! She had a rugged independent spirit, forged right here in the hills of Pendleton. As a young woman, she left home to become part of a generation of women who pursued higher education. She attended Oregon State University and California State University-Northridge, attaining degrees in business and education, respectively. And she also was one of the women who pioneered working outside the home.

As a Harvey, Jean was full of conviction, strong opinion, and perseverance. She was the original “hockey mom”—cheering loudly, intensely (and sometimes aggressively) for her kids at sporting events. And she fought for what she wanted! Case in point – Jean met my granpa, Dr. Edward L. Allsup, at a USO dance during World War II. The story goes that Jean stood out in the crowd—a leader among (and the best looking of) the other women there. Well, Jean liked Ed, and Ed liked Jean, but Ed was apparently involved in a serious relationship with another woman. Not on my granma’s watch! They never shared with me the details of how granma ended up with the ring on her finger, but suffice it to say that she and granpa were married for 64 years!

As an Allsup, Jean was committed to helping others. She devoted her career to teaching elementary education in the Los Angeles area. And after she retired, she served actively with her church’s Stephen Ministry, in which she offered one-to-one Christian care to the bereaved, hospitalized, and terminally ill.

And as an Allsup, Jean was my granma. I fondly remember doing arts and crafts with her, like decorating t-shirts, making silk flower bouquets, or admiring her Christmas crafts. I appreciate her for teaching me essential life skills, like how to iron. It was through her that I was exposed to day time television and… lengthy afternoon quiet times. And I cherish the memories of my childhood Thanksgivings with her, so it is so poetic to me that she passed on Thanksgiving Day—now every Thanksgiving I will remember her and the times we shared.

If granma was here today, she’d tell you that our “greatest” bonding moment was when I hid behind her bed until she finished with her shower and then jumped out with a cute little “boo!” right as she stepped out of the tub. She absolutely lost it! What I thought would be a good laugh ended up with me sitting in time out for a couple hours…

And if granma was here, what she wouldn’t want me to tell you is my favorite memory of her. One time when she and granpa came to visit me at Texas A&M, I took them to a party. See, my social stock wasn’t that high because I was known not to be a party girl. So this was one of the few invites I had, and I had to make an appearance just to preserve some of my Aggie reputation. So with grandparents in tow, I showed up at this house where a bunch of people, mostly 6’5” cowboys, were drinking beer and having a good ol time. Someone offered granma and granpa a drink, and I parked them next to the beer keg while I went out to say hi to the friend who had invited me. Well, it wasn’t too long into our time there that granma had attracted quite a crowd around her! The guys were really impressed that she was beating them at beer games. They kept challenging her, and she kept winning, and she drank more than one cowboy under the table that night. You should have seen my social stock shoot through the roof after that one!

These are some of my memories and stories of Jean. I know you have some, too, and we would like to hear them! If you have some stories or remarks you would like to share in memory of Jean, I invite you to do so at this time.

COMMITTAL

Thank you to those of you who shared with us your remarks of remembrance. Yes, we all have special memories of Jean, and our loss is great. But we are thankful to the Lord for placing her in our lives to know and love. It is by His grace that we knew her, and by His grace that she will live eternally in heaven. The Bible says that anyone who places their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord will share in His resurrection—and enjoy eternal life. By believing that Jesus’ death cleansed her from anything that would otherwise separate her from God, Jean was completely forgiven of all sins and has entered into eternal life. So while she is gone from this world, we believe God is faithful and His promises are true—she will rise with Christ and be with Him forever. Nothing can separate her from His love, and our grief is buoyed with this hope!

At this time, I’d like to ask Bill and Jim to lower Jean’s urn into her final resting place. As they do this, let’s have a moment of silence to remember Jean. [Silence]

Now let’s read Psalm 23 together. It can be found on the back of your programs. Please join me in reading.

Psalm 23

We have handed out the words to Amazing Grace for you. As we sing this song together, I invite everyone to take a handful of dirt and participate in laying Jean to rest, starting with Sharon and Micki.

Amazing Grace

Prayer

BLESSING

In light of God’s grace and in as much as it has pleased the Lord in His sovereign wisdom and purpose to take from our midst one whom we have loved, we now commit Jean’s body to its final resting place . Amen.

Joseph Updates

2011-03-11T21:15:00.000-05:00

Joseph is saying, "stop" very firmly, and holding up his hand in the universal stop sign, whenever he wants other kids, including his siblings, to stop doing something, pestering him, taking toys from him, etc.

Joseph is saying "yes," but it sounds more like "sssss."

He's cutting two teeth right now. Poor baby.

He's walking around mostly holding on to a grown-up with just one hand. He's about to take his first official step (steps I didn't witness don't count!).

He has yet to say, "mama," but seems attached to me in every other way, including steaming when I'm walking away, coming to me for comfort, and molding to my cuddles with him.

Uncle Josh's Hairy Arms

2011-03-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

Siah was so excited to see my sister and her husband, Josh. He asked if he could sit next to Josh on the plane. In great affection, he looked at Josh's (hairy) arms and said, "I like your fur, Uncle Josh."

Button's Learning to Stand Up for Herself

2011-03-09T21:12:00.002-05:00

Some third grade boys in Button's after school program were making fun of her because of the shows she likes to watch. She said at first she felt sad. But then she said she decided, "I don't need to put up with this! I'm going to stand up for myself!"

So she told them a couple things, including, "My Grandma Micki is cool, and when she comes to visit again, I'm going to tell her to give you the mean eye! You want me to do that??" And, "I might be smaller than you, but you're not too big for me to deal with!"

My Grandma's Obituary

2011-03-03T15:08:00.001-05:00

PEORIA, Ariz. — Jean Harvey Allsup, 87, died peacefully Thanksgiving morning, Nov. 25, 2010, in Peoria, Ariz. Graveside services will be held at the family plot at Olney Cemetery in Pendleton later next spring, 2011.

Mrs. Allsup was born Oct. 15, 1923, in Pendleton to James and Clara (Straughan) Harvey. She graduated from Pendleton High School in 1941. She met her husband of 64 years, Dr. Edward L. Allsup, at a USO dance during World War II. Upon his return from military service, they were married in 1945.

She earned a bachelor’s degree in business from Oregon State University and later a teaching degree from California State University-Northridge. She lived in Newhall, Calif., for 33 years and taught elementary education in the Los Angeles School District for 22 years. After retiring, she and her husband moved to Sun City West, Ariz., in 1989.

Mrs. Allsup is survived by her sister, Mary Colee; daughters Sharon Drake and Michele Hartline, both of Alaska; four grandchildren; three great-grandchildren; five nephews; and numerous relatives in Pendleton.

She was preceded in death by her parents, brother Eldon and her husband.

The family requests that donations be made to Disabled American Veteran causes or the Desert Palms Presbyterian Church’s Stephen Ministry.

God is Good

2011-03-03T09:49:00.000-05:00

I just got out of the doctor's office. It's been a week of scare--you might have a serious heart condition, you could go unconscious any minute, you need to go through a battery of tests...you can't drive.

So this past week was get-chauffeured-while-undergoing-many-tests week. The results are in and the specialist's diagnosis was clear: I am healthy! A little more salt, a little more water, and a little more lying down whenever I feel light headed. That's it!

I am thankful for everyone's prayers. I am thankful for how good God is! For my healing/health and also for the incredible opportunities this ordeal has created for me. I don't want to get into all the details, but suffice it to say that this scare resulted in me receiving very specific, far-fetched things I have asked for in prayer.

Even when it looks bad with our own eyes, God is good. We can only see in part. And if we could see with His eyes, we would see that our situation is good, too.

Sometimes I can see (like in this situation) and it's easy to believe. Most the time, though, I can't see and it takes a lot more faith to believe God is good, all the time. It's in times like these that I want to recall this story and how God accomplished the impossible through a situation that at first seemed really bad!

Enough

2011-02-27T17:30:00.000-05:00

Joseph has a new word this week: eNUFFFFF

Apparently when the babies at daycare pitched their respective fits this week, Joseph went around to them, got close to their faces, and said rather assertively, "e-NUFFffff!"

Yeah, that's our parenting reflected right back at us. Like a way-too-honest mirror...

Wrestling with Work

2011-02-26T19:56:00.001-05:00

Work has been particularly challenging lately. I don't really want to get into it all. In part because it's too long of a story, and in part because I don't really want to re-live it. Suffice it to say that I hit a significant hurdle that left me feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, angry, and afraid; left me anxious about my reputation, future, career vitality; and wondering about God's protection, provision, and presence (sometimes I wonder if He's forgotten about me, or if my problems just aren't worth His time). IT WAS (IS?) TOUGH.

So I spent days and days tied up in knots over the whole thing. And absolutely at the end of my rope--there was nothing I could do! Nothing I could correct. Nothing I could change. Nothing I could say. Stuck stuck stuck. Ick ick ick. I was exhausted.

I decided to share with some women in our church who I'm in the process of teaching about different facets of prayer. And they prayed for me. And it changed everything!

One woman shared 2 verses that were exactly what I needed to hear! A couple other women prayed verses that the Lord had given me in the preceding days, serving as confirmation that those were His words (and promises) for me. And another woman prayed a verse from Exodus that the Lord gave to me several years ago about another unbelievably difficult situation in this same office. The verse provided me direction and anchored me then, and everything that it foreshadowed came to pass. Of course, this woman had no idea that this was such a powerful verse for me with respect to my work situation, and here she was offering it to me again! I laughed (to myself) and admittedly teared up a bit -- God is so faithful. And it was just the direction I needed...again!

And then -- get this! The morning of my meeting with these women, I believed I heard the Lord "whisper" to me during prayer time: "Kelly, today I've given you a gift in tongues." "Oh, that's so nice and lovely, Lord. I love that. ...But I already have the gift of tongues, so I don't understand." The whisper simply repeated, "Today I've given you a gift in tongues." Fast forward to our prayer meeting, and the women praying for me, and one of them prayed, "Lord, I have a picture in my mind of weights on the tongues of all the people in Kelly's office who would speak false or critical things about her. Like you're weighing down their tongues so false and critical things can't even be uttered. And the only thing anybody will be able to say are things that are true about her and that bring glory to You."

WOW. [Insert speechless look of sheer amazement here]
There was my "gift in tongues."
Amen. I claimed it. I believed it. And I went to work the next day a whole different person.

I am so grateful to these women, their prophetic words, and for their willingness to have the tongue of a disciple -- they truly sustained the weary with just a word!

Revenge - Practicing Letting It Go

2011-02-25T19:36:00.000-05:00

I was on my way to work at way-too-early in the morning, chewing on an upcoming encounter I was going to have with someone who had grossly wronged me. I was going over in my mind different things I could say to put him in his place. Zinger Bible verses. Veiled cut downs. Looks that would communicate my disdain. Retorts that gave me the upper hand.

Then I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit -- vengeance is Mine, says the Lord. If I were to take any of these actions, I'd be taking revenge at some level.

Revenge is so appealing because it's OWED. It looks and feels and seems so RIGHT. All standards of worldly fairness are met -- exacting satisfaction for a wrong by punishing the wrongdoer in kind or degree (Merriam-Webster). Justice and righteousness within us cry out -- SOMETHING must be done.

And something will be. But it's not for me to do. Vengeance is His. And when I put myself in the position of being the avenger, I violate the 2nd commandment: Do not have any other gods before Me. I set myself in the position of being God.

As I was realizing all of this, I pulled up to my parking place at work--the same reserved place that I have had for over 3 years. And even though it was still insanely-early-:30, someone was parked in my place! This was the first time ever that someone had parked wrongly in my place! And it wasn't just any someone, it was a brand new Cadillac (with no kid seats, crayon marks, or crushed Cheerios inside).

What happens in these instances -- I'm now left to go jockey for a non-reserved parking place at the boondocks of the parking lot and have to walk a loooong way in the freeeezing cold into the building. And this isn't an offense that's taken lightly. When someone parks in your place, you call the agency police and they issue a close-to-$100 ticket. Ha! Take that Cadillac!

Then it hit me -- sure sounds a lot like revenge. Revenge that is the Lord's and not mine. Then it occurred to me that this might be an opportunity to apply what I learned (also known as a "test"). Frequently throughout the gospels, Jesus gave His disciples hands-on learning opportunities to apply whatever lessons they had just heard Him teach on. For example, after extensive teaching on faith, Jesus let's them encounter a perilous storm in which they're certain their boat will sink and all will die. Jesus calms the storm and then asks them about their faith.

So maybe that's what was happening here. God gives me an opportunity to get back at Rich Cadillac with a totally justified parking ticket. But I resisted the temptation. And instead of getting revenge, I left a note asking Cadillac to park somewhere else or call my office to work out any dispute with the assigned spaces.

Ha! Victory!